Sunday, October 18, 2009

Was it Something I Said?

Lately I've heard that several of my fellow bloggers have been losing followers. I know I've lost a couple. How can this be? Has the fickle finger of fate chosen to smite us?

Let me point out that to the average person losing a follower would be a small set-back, but to humor bloggers it is tantamount to a slap in the face, a swift kick in the ass, or (dare I say) sticking it where the sun don't shine.

We are a sensitive people, we bloggers. In our profiles we talk a big line about how we write "simply to please ourselves." But in reality, WTF are we saying? Get real! We obviously blog because

WE WANT ATTENTION!

Maybe we didn't get enough attention from our parents at home, from our teachers at school, or from the pedophile next door. (I admit, I've spent many hours talking to my therapist about this.) But one thing is clear... we crave attention and we crave it BIG! Oh, baby, baby... give it to me one more time! Pour some of that bloggy love on me!

So while we may be laughing on the outside, inside a little piece of us dies every time our follower numbers go down. (Not that we're checking our stats hourly or anything like that.) And we keep asking ourselves "Why?" Was it something we said? Duh! Of course it was something we said! (Not to mention the fact that it has come to my attention that there are some new dress codes being imposed by certain bloggers... you might want to rethink that, Nanodance.)

If only we could sit down and talk with those of you out there who have rejected us, we could figure out where we went wrong. But, sadly, we don't always know who you are. (Unless we're so over the top with OCD that we log each and every follower and cross-reference the list according to height, weight, religion, marital status, political leanings, income level, hotness level, number of children, occupation and so on. But I would never do such a thing.)

Anyway.... since it would be virtually impossible to identify our lapsed followers and HUNT THEM DOWN and TAKE THEM OUT just to give them a lesson, the next best thing would be to send out a generalized apology that will hopefully reach the millions out there whom we have offended in some way.

To ease this process of apology, I'm sharing with you a document that will make your lives easier. I know this will be of vital importance to you. Here it is....

See how simple it is... you can apologize for any faux pas... no matter how small or large. Simply fill in the blanks and post it on your site for all to see. I can guarantee your follower numbers will not only remain steady, but continue grow. Please, no need to thank me. (Although I will point out that my PayPal information is listed in my profile for your convenience.)

Let me close with this heartfelt personal apology:


Dear Lapsed Followers,

I'm sorry for anything untoward that I've ever said or done that offends you but if you can't accept my apology, then screw you since you were probably just a spammer anyway! I couldn't care less what you think!

Sincerely, CatLadyLarew

42 comments:

frigginloon said...

Blahahahaha, I lose them everyday :) . I figure I am going to offend someone at some stage (that comes with the humor territory). I write because it is cheaper than therapy. As you know Cat Lady, I often try to bait people with my posts. This is how I see it..... nothing is ever black or white (well except for penguins and nuns), it is in the gray areas that holds the challenge, the interest and the growth. Writing to reinforce your ideology, opinions and views is to deny growth and becomes god damn boring. Who wants people agreeing with you all the time. I change my opinions and views nearly everyday. Imagine what an amazing world we would have if we all agreed to disagree now and then. Do we always have to be right? Hell YES!!!
You should set up a scratching pole for everyone to sharpen their claws on :) .

f8hasit said...

It's hard NOT to look at the blog roll and try to figure out who the heck it was that deemed you unworthy! I've done it!

And then I sawa thst you were still there, so I said the hell with the rest of 'em.
:-)

Love the persoanl apology. You wrote that yourself? Ha.

Michelle H. said...

I've done the freak out when losing 2 followers. So disheartening. I try to keep my spirits up with the number of feed subscribers I have, since that's way more than the number of followers who visit.

I've also come to realize a few people only follow to get that blogger to reciprocate. Then the initiator drops out. This one fellow did it with me and several of my bloggy friends strictly for publicity toward his new book of poems.

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

We're not going anwhere! I bet that made your day....lol!

Maelstrom said...

Most of my long time followers are ones that have given up blog reading and forgot all about their accounts. I HAVE had some people get mad at me before, and they MIGHT have a fancy link in your side-bar Catlady. But what can you do. (purposely not a question)

Quirkyloon said...

Followers? I'm supposed to have followers?

Yet another blog mystery I will have to solve!

And here I thought I was writing for fun.

Of course, I'm doing it wrong.

Again!

*smile*

CatLadyLarew said...

frigginloon: ...and set out a bowl of milk.

Nancy: As long as my favorite people are there, that's all that really matters. But, I figured out just who it was who "unfollowed"... somebody's not getting a Christmas present this year!

CatLadyLarew said...

Michelle: I try to reciprocate by keeping up with my favorite bloggers! Some weeks it's hard, though. So many good bloggers, so little time. I need a better system for getting to everyone on a regular basis.

BS & BC: Ah, my loyal, shitty followers... and I mean that in a nice way! (But I still think I should be able to count you as two followers.)

Maelstrom: You have rated a place in my sidebar! Not because you're my 100th follower or anything... because you amuse me! But stop trying to drive me insane with the obscure clues!

Quirky: The mention of Diet DP is what made me follow you in the first place! And you gave me my first award, so I'm your friend for life! And you like Zombies! And you're loony! And Quirky! How could I ever leave you? You know you love it!

Summer said...

Well I'm still here. And let's be honest... that's really what matters. ;)

AngelMay said...

LOL! At least you have followers to lose. I've only taken one person off my list and that was because the lady is SO prolific there is no way I could possibly keep up without ignoring others that are even more favorite. My problem is actually GETTING followers since I am NOT all that prolific. Writing fiction takes time. And the rest of it... well, I hope it is of interest to someone -- if not everyone. :)

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

LMAO! I love the formal apology.

Secretia said...

Cat ladies deserve a nice life too!

Secretia

Jayne Martin said...

I write a blog because I am nothing if not a whore for attention. There. I said it. And I'm not sorry.

CatLadyLarew said...

Summer: Thank you for helping me get my priorities straight. Now I can sleep soundly at night, knowing you're still here! (And more importantly, still talking to me!)

AngelMay: It wasn't ME who you discarded, was it? (I had to run over to check!)

Lee: Feel free to use the formal apology anytime... not that I'm sayin' you'd have anything to apologize for!

Secretia: Thanks for sharing that secret!

Jayne: Tell it like it is! (I'm obviously a blog whore myself!)

Rebecca Anne said...

LOL Oh this was funny! The perfect Monday morning laugh. Not that I'm laughing at you....but along side you. Now, since I'm a grannie in the blogging world--5 plus years at it---I've learned a few things. One, never move your blog, as I've done 4 times, it's a crusher of traffic. Two, never worry about the amount of comments we get. Three, never look at follower count or feed reader counts. It's pure illusional falsehood. Four, never comment back scratch. Five, (again, never comment back scratch) follow back scratch.

and Six....never apologize for sailing the ship exactly as you please.......
Rebecca

An Open Heart said...

Love the apology you wrote....I lost a follower, since I have so few, it was a little sad....actually, I tried to figure out who it was and couldn't....I did figure out that it wasn't one of my favorites.....

I'm not leaving.....but, every once in awhile, I will quit a blog because I can't keep up or I didn't really spend enough time stalking the blog first before I 'followed' and I'm really not interested in the blog, so, I'll drop off....and there are some blogs I've dropped because I can't keep up and would like to give my attention to lots of blogs.....

IndigoWrath said...

Well, I was going to make an insightful/sober/dull observation about reasons for follower turnover, but I'd feel like an accountant at an acid rave. I'll go do some long division instead.

CatLadyLarew said...

Rebecca: Numbers have actually become less important to me these days, (other than from a simple curiosity standpoint... I confess I don't keep track well enough to know if I've lost someone.) Mostly I love keeping up with those bloggers I find interesting and amusing. If I change my locale, it will be to shorten the URL... I get really tired of typing out the whole thing!

Open Heart: Now that I've been at this a couple of months, I'm less likely to follow someone solely because they left a comment. (Although the comments are always appreciated and I really try to acknowledge them all.) If I follow I want to be able to follow through!

Indigo: You know how to do long division? Impressive! Although I was hoping you could put together some charts and graphs for me.

IndigoWrath said...

Would you settle for another picture of me doing something preposterous with a crowd-pleaser necktie on?

The Old Silly said...

Hysterical. Love the formal apology, tee hee. Bloggers DO so much cling to the number of followers, comments, etc., as if their very sould depended on the daily recognition. I know if my page views and hits go on a downard trend, I'm like WTF!? Am I all of a sudden a bad blogger? I got BO or something? Nobody loves me anymore? Bawwwww! LOL

But I've been blogging long enough to observe ebbs and flows, hills and valleys in the readership. As long as the long term trend is steady growth all is well in The Old Silly's world of Bloggydom.

Marvin D Wilson

Janice said...

I'm new and loving what I am reading!

CatLadyLarew said...

Indigo: Oh Indy, you handsome devil, you! Only if you want to risk me posting it like I did with the last one!

Marvin: As long as I maintain the usual gang of idiots, I'm a happy camper! (Oh, did I just offend you... time for another one of those sheets1)

Janice: Welcome! I'll tell Nancy you joined the party! (And I apologize in advance for saying anything stupid... I do that on a regular basis... the stupid stuff, that is.)

Randomization said...

If I had followers, I'm sure that I'd lose them XD
It could be because I'm weird, different, mentally disturbed, lol.

Just think of it this way, if they decide to leave because they can't handle your craziness, then so be it. There will be many others who'd love to stick around.

Hit 40 said...

I double checked. I am still following. Otin thinks that blogger might be dropping people by accident?? Who knows. I am also sad when one drops. I notice too.

...I am not OCD about it. You could print out pictures on the follower list?? This would make it easy to see where the pictures change?? Too much time for me. But... in a weak moment this summer - I considered doing it.

I like to just go troll for new friends if I lose my old blog ones. And...

I have some close ones that mean the world to me. More than any newbies would ever make.

CatLadyLarew said...

Hit 40: I'm with you on trolling for new friends, Eileen! (You were actually one of my earliest followers.) Hitting 100 was fun to see, but my interest has waned in watching the numbers. I'd rather spend my time "reading my regulars" than going back and forth with the stats. As long as my regulars don't get mad and leave me I'll be happy as a clam.
(And you're still in first place on the comment list today!)

otin said...

I told everyone that blogger will drop people without them knowing it. It has happened to me a few times where I had to refollow a blog!

ReformingGeek said...

I love the formal apology form.

Don't worry about your followers. I've also heard that Blogger randomly drops them occasionally. Just keep doing what you're doing.

GoingLikeSixty.com said...

Oh, cry me a river. You with 27 comments! :) Today you picked up a bitter, jealous follower. Get over it.

CatLadyLarew said...

Otin: Oh,great! Now I suppose I'll get dropped from somebody else's stalker list and then I'll have to worry about people thinking I dumped them. I know... I'll send them a formal apology using the handy form!

Reffie: I just knew people would find the form helpful! Not worried... I've got you, after all! (Unless you think I was just plain too obnoxious with this post and now you're going to drop me because I'm a whining bitch and all.)

GoingLikeSixty: You can't scare me! I'm almost as old as you are... and I've taught KINDERGARTEN! Okay... I'm over it now. Thanks! I needed that!

K a b l o o e y said...

I agree with Otin. I think I've had to re-follow a few people, then again, I'm kind of absent-minded and chalked it up to a reader/bookmark confusion. But maybe I did get dropped as a reader. Not on yours, luckily. I don't even know how to quit being a follower, and there are a handful I really want to purge. Because, like you, I think my time'd be best spent reading the folks that really add something to my over-extended under-minuted days. And saving those precious minutes to go get another Diet Dr. Pepper. (Going to the fridge right now for a caffeine-free (and thus less soul-satisfying) DDP.

rxBambi said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels a little let down when I lose a follower! It sucks!

Nanodance said...

You have so many followers that they can't possibly mean as much to you as my smaller, but much more meaningful bunch. Not that I am jealous.

CatLadyLarew said...

K a b l o o e y: I'm so glad you're still here! We Peppers have got to stick together... maybe we should start a separate group for Peppers?

rxBambi: It's not the number of followers, but the dedicated commenters that really count! (Just had to get that apology form in there somehow.)

Nanodance: You have some real big bloggy celebrities on your list! I'm the one who's jealous!

Alli said...

I love your humor and sarcasm! I currently have only classmate followers, but I hope to have more some day. I am sure that those who stopped following miss your entertaining ways. Best of luck, and keep blogging. I am sure to be back and read again.

nonamedufus said...

I'm so sorry.

I thought it would be funny.

I was over at Quirky's place.

I feel better now.

PLease forget it ever happened.

Thanks for the multiple choice apology.

moooooog35 said...

I'm following you right now.

Look out your window. That's me waving from the bushes.

You look nice today.

CatLadyLarew said...

Alli: Thanks for stopping by.

Mr. Dufus: Apology accepted... but you'd still better buy Quirky a DDP to atone for your sins.

moooooog: Why thank you! I dressed with you in mind. *waves back*

buffalodick said...

In the immortal words of Ghandi- F*ck 'em!! He lived a long life, I sure he said it once or twice..

Jeanne said...

Visiting from Pearl's....

The last time I lost a chunk of followers was after posting the libretto to "Blogging: The Musical," including the titles of dirty show tunes.

Turns out Mormons are not big fans of obscene musicals....

CatLadyLarew said...

buffalodick: Gandhi had his priorities straight! I wonder how you say F*ch 'em in Hindi?

Jeanne: Welcome! Oh, now I've GOT to go read the libretto!
Turns out I HAVE seen the biggest Mormon musical of all times... the Hill Cumorah Pageant! Right here in little ole Upstate New York. It's a spectacle worth seeing at least once in your lifetime... regardless of your religious preference or lack thereof.

Mr London Street said...

I liked this so much that you've gained a follower. Me.

bernthis said...

the list of people I have offended in this life is way longer than the list of my followers that is for sure but what can you do? YOu can't please all people all of the time.

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