"You Could Do ANYTHING In That Hat!"

Although I've been basically home-bound for the past three months while my broken leg mends, I haven't been totally unproductive.  In order to keep my hands busy with something other than shoveling food into my mouth as I relax in my recliner, I decided to break out the old knitting needles.  Knitting is especially satisfying in the winter months when that afghan you are working on keeps your legs warm as you work.  (Note:  It also makes you look even more of an invalid.)

Most of the stuff I do is pretty mindless, requiring very few brain cells.  Knit, purl, knit, purl, etc., etc., until you run out of yarn.  However, my sister threw down the knitting gauntlet, which I picked up with only a tad bit of fear and trepidation.  Sending me a picture of a hat my niece, Ilsa, was coveting, I pondered how to create such a masterpiece of fiber.  Without any instructions on how to proceed, (other than the fact that Ilsa's head measures 21 inches,) I had my chauffeur take me to the yarn store to search for something that might work. 

Even though I had to rip it out five times before I got the gauge and shape corrected to my satisfaction, I completed the project and actually got it mailed it in time for the recent holiday celebrations.  (A major miracle as I'm not generally known for sending gifts, let alone sending them on time.)  And, for once, I even won the "Best Aunt" honors for my efforts.

Since then, Ilsa has gotten many compliments comments on the hat.  Some guy even went up to her in the Tampa airport and told her,  

"That's a great hat!  You could do anything in that hat!"  

I wonder what he meant by that?  And I bet you're wondering what the hell kind of hat would elicit that response.  Well, wonder no longer...

"Ja, jag är svensk, varför frågar du?"

So, the question remains... What would you do in that hat?

The Pitter Patter of Little Feet

I swear I heard the pitter patter of little feet on my rooftop last night.  But isn't it a little too soon for Santa?  What could it be that woke me up in the middle of the night? 

At first I thought I was dreaming, but once I was fully awake I realized that there really was a sound coming through my ceiling!  Except that it actually sounded a little more like sawing wood.  Maybe I was still asleep after all.

Nope.  There it was again.  This time it sounded a little more like scampering.  Then a scraping noise.  Maybe Santa was trying to shovel some of the snow off my roof to deliver my well deserved gifts?

No... definitely sawing.  Guess I should have purchased a home with a real fireplace instead of a "decorative" one.  Then Santa wouldn't have to saw through the roof to get all those packages to me.

Wait a minute... I do recognize that sound.  Crap!  I've done this all before.* It's not Santa!  It's an evil squirrel come to chew through my electrical wires and burn my house down!

Well, now that we've figured that one out, I guess I'll just drift off peacefully back to sleep.... no worries...

Yeah... and a Merry Freakin' Christmas to you, too! 

*See The Mating Habits of Squirrels.

The Worst Christmas Present Ever: A Belated Tribal Blogs Carnival

Okay, okay, so I missed the first Tribal Blogs Carnival.

The theme was "The Worst Christmas Gift Ever."  My post is late because I got so depressed from thinking about all those crappy Christmas gifts from years past, I couldn't bring myself to write about it.  (Not really, but I needed an excuse.)

When we were kids, my mom made all our clothes, including new outfits for Christmas.  That's fine when you're a little kid, (loved the flannel jammies,) but as you approach your teens it becomes a source of angst.  We really wanted the store-bought clothes all our friends had.  So one year my mom decided to cut labels out of other clothes to sew into ours to fool our friends.  Uh... yeah.  That's gonna work.  We never fully appreciated our mother's skill as a seamstress, although she really was good at it.  (Sorry, mom, wherever you are!)

But in all fairness, we weren't wizards when it came to buying gifts for our parents, either.  Our allowance just didn't stretch that far...  so my mom said we were only supposed to spend a dollar on each parent.  My dad had a drawer full of all the handkerchiefs we got him... I was always so proud when I managed to score some with an "L" for Larew on them.  Classy!  And mom had a drawer full of really tacky holiday pins that we found on the "Gifts for $1" table at the local department store.

As soon as we were old enough to write, we made "Wish Lists" for ourselves. After awhile, things on the Christmas lists were usually the ONLY gifts we got.  My mom told us if we didn't give her a wish list, we wouldn't get anything.  So the trick became putting enough things on the list so there would still be an element of surprise involved in opening the packages on Christmas morning.  (And we were smart enough to put our lists in numerical order to indicate which things we REALLY wanted, although the ponies never materialized.)  In later years, my mom would put in some actual surprises... gifts she's gathered from her world travels.

Finally, the year came when I didn't make a Christmas list.  (I was in my twenties at the time.) When mom kept pestering me, I just said in frustration, "I can't think of anything, just buy me underwear and some candles."  And my mom was true to her word.  As everyone else opened their gifts, I was the recipient of two items.  Cotton underwear two sizes too big and some candles.  Bummer! 

 

It was many years before I neglected to write out a complete Christmas list again!  But I had plenty of underwear to grow into in years to come.

  * * * * * *

Looking for a great gift this season?  How about a goat from Oxfam?  I just bought mine.  Go to https://www.oxfamamericaunwrapped.com to get yours today!  It's much better than underwear!  (While you're at it, be sure to visit Margaret at Nanny Goats in Panties for her special goat give-a-way!)

It's Here! It's Here!

Whether you're ready or not, Christmas does come. I probably could have been ready on time, had I not been reading all the excellent posts from the HBDC Christmas Humor Carnival participants. Those funny folks over there just keep distracting me! Seriously... go check them out! It's the best holiday gift your could give yourself!

But, all kidding and humor aside... I really did get that pesky tree decorated and some presents wrapped to go underneath it. And I even baked some Christmas cookies... although Vlad finished them off a couple of days ago.

Here's how the tree turned out....

(It's actually taller than Vlad... it touches the ceiling)

Let me point out that there are no cats on the tree. (Remember, I'm a CatLady Without the Cats.) And zombie decorations were mighty hard to come by this year... I think Quirky bought them all long ago. But here are a few of my favorites...


Remember the socks inside of socks? My dear friend, Lisa, knitted these teeny-tiny socks for my tree:

Our friend, Bill, painted this bird...

Aunt Dorothy used to use ornaments to decorate packages... here's one of my favorites from her.

This one is my absolute favorite... my grandma made it for me...
it's a teeny-tiny baby bunny inside of a walnut shell.

I bought this fish ornament for myself just because it's silly looking...
it would be perfect for Otin's tree since he likes fishing so much!

Another friend gave me this heart, which is perfect for the
tree and reminds me of the many friends I love...


The monkey sock ornament reminds me of my grandma, too, because she used to made us monkey sock dolls for Christmas when we were kids.

This little bear was a gift for Vlad from his
Grandma Luci when he was a baby.

So what's under the tree this year? I still don't know because Vlad is working until 3:00 and I promised not to open anything until he gets home. I'm such a good mother!

The most important thing of all is that this day represents the love I have for my child, my family and my friends. And that's why I love my eclectic assortment of ornaments... they represent all of those I hold dear.

So, my holiday wish for you is that your life be filled with friendship and love! Thank you for bringing such joy into my heart each and every day!

Love,
CatLadyLarew