"So... They Toss the Place About a Bit?"

I've always been a bit of a clutter hound.  It hasn't gotten bad enough yet to win me a guest appearance on "Hoarders" but some days I look around and think that day won't be far off.   It's one of my signature cat lady characteristics.  (Minus the cats, of course.)

My house has looked this way, pretty much since we moved in.  In fact, shortly after we bought the house, we had a break-in while we were at work.  The thieves only stole some spare change out of the bedside stand.  I think they were probably having a hard time finding anything else of value in all the clutter.  Living with clutter is a great way to stymie thieves.   

 (Sorry Blair whoever you are... this picture was just too perfect... I had to use it.)

Anyway, the police came and looked around the house to file their report.  At one point, one of the officers looked back and forth and said, "So... they toss the place about a bit?"

Uh... yeaaahhhh...  THAT's what happened!  We would never leave our home this messy otherwise!  Geesh!  You'd think that would be a wake up call!   But, no.  We were undeterred in our quest for clutter supremacy.

Now, I chose my spouse precisely because he came from a home where clutter was king.  Let's just say his father was a bit "eccentric" and collected stuff.  He had his own set up for collecting, including a step stool stored in the trunk of his car, a trouble light, and some of those extending grabber things to extract stuff from dumpsters.  (I think he may have been the original dumpster diver.)

You name it, they had it... from old grocery store display racks, to a dentist's chair, to the entire phone system that was discarded from a local hospital.  They even built a warehouse out behind their house to store all the stuff that overflowed the house.  At one point, my in out-laws didn't sleep in their bed for four years because there wasn't enough room to get to it.  Seriously!  My father-out-law, bless his heart, has slept in a recliner for the past 25 years!

Later on, my spouse had some sort of a religious awakening or something and suddenly became a neat freak... on his own side of the room.  Suddenly, I was the sole cause of the chaos.  (He's also the one who turned me on to Dr Pepper and then later chastised me for becoming a Pepper fiend.)  From that day on, our marriage was doomed.  Well, that and a few other things led to its demise. 

But, you know... it did my heart some good when my son came home giggling the other day because he noticed his dad's new wife throws her crap all over on her side of the bed.  Poetic justice at its finest!

(Oh, yeah... they're keeping a special place for me in hell!)

Battling Soft Drink Injustice

It's no secret that certain bloggers out there (who you know and love) have a penchant for that wonderful elixir, Dr Pepper. (Myself and Quirky being amongst the most prolific in shouting the praises of our chosen addiction.) Have you ever noticed how much Quirky looks like the Dr Pepper guy...



Dr Pepper is an acquired taste, much like crystal meth or heroine. It's not for the faint of heart. Only truly BadAss Bloggers delve into the mysteries of The Doctor. To this day, the exact ingredients remain a mystery, locked within a steel vault somewhere deep in the heart of Texas.


But, with all addiction comes pain. Not the least of which is withdrawl when our lifeblood is withheld from us. Which leads me to today's HBDC Anti Injustice Rant...

I'm here today to ask you to join me in protesting against

Dr Pepper shortages in the airline industry.

How do they expect those of us with addiction issues to maintain a cool, level head during flight if they deny us our beverage of choice? They offer a vast array of alcoholic beverages, as well as Coke and water and orange juice. But ask for a Dr Pepper and they look at you as though you have two heads or have just tried to commandeer the plane. Yes, we may begin to twitch for lack of a Dr Pepper to mainline. That shouldn't make us suspected terrorists, nor should they treat us as inferior to the Coke addicts on board.

What makes Coke the king of beverages on airplanes? What makes it so special? It's not even as old as Dr Pepper....

"Dr Pepper is a native of Waco, Texas, and the oldest major soft drink in America. It was created by Dr. Charles Alderton at the Old Corner Drug Store in 1885, predating Coca-Cola by one year. From “Vim, Vigor, and Vitality,” “Drink a Bite to Eat at 10, 2 and 4,” “I’m a Pepper” to “Just What the Doctor Ordered,” Dr Pepper’s slogans over the years have made it one of the most unique success stories of American free enterprise."
-actual quote from the Dr Pepper Museum website

Don't airlines want to get in on the ground floor of soft drink superiority by supporting "one of the most unique success stories of American free enterprise?"

It used to be you could at least carry your own Dr Pepper on board with you, but not anymore. The new security measures instituted by airports around the world now make it impossible to sneak in a bottle of the bubbly. Simply outrageous! If they don't let you bring any through security, the least they could do is have a stash ready and waiting for you once you put your shoes back on and gather your belongings. But, NO!

Airline terminals are wastelands when it comes to finding your beverage of choice. I always schedule my flights so that I have plenty of time during layovers to scour the airport for Dr Pepper. Often I am thwarted in my search. And if you grab the microphone out of the hand of the service counter employee to ask if there's a Doctor in the house, all you get is taken down by airport security once they determine you're not having a "qualified" medical emergency. This demonstrates their total lack of understanding, as this is indeed a medical emergency! Your mental health depends on having a sip of that delicious nectar of the gods. Why do they insist on denying us our "Vim, Vigor and Vitality?"

So I ask you, is there no justice? Does anyone out there know of a single airline that serves Dr Pepper as part of their in-flight beverage service? If anyone can point me in the direction of such an inspired airline, I shall personally award them an official Dr Pepper refrigerator magnet from the official Dr Pepper Museum gift shop.

I ask you today to join me in the fight against this outrage.... I ask you to stand up and be counted. I ask you to

Be a Pepper!

(Since this is an unsolicited endorsement of Dr Pepper and no money has exchanged hands for my endorsement, I have no qualms about using the Dr Pepper Museum's patented artwork to illustrate my rant. I'm sure they'll thank me rather than sue me. At least, I hope they will. If I guessed wrong, please accept my apology!)

A special thank you to Dr. Smarty-pants for correcting my spelling of Dr Pepper... maybe that's why I haven't been able to find any in airports... I was asking for the wrong thing.