Sunday, December 22, 2013

Five Years and Counting...

Five years ago today I started this crazy blog thing. 384 posts later, I still enjoy writing, although I confess my frequency has diminished. Followers have come and gone, but I'm thrilled that I have developed such wonderful lasting friendships through the blog. That has been the most fabulous result of blogging. The camaraderie is at times hilarious and at other times heart warming. I've never had so many people that actually come looking for me (online) if they haven't heard from me in awhile. It actually prevents me from becoming a total recluse!

So thank you one and all... NanoDance who got me started, Indigo Roth who's been with me the longest, nonamedufus and the delightful Maryse, Jayne Martin with her size 4 ass, the hostess with the mostess Linda Medrano, Deckside Cheryl, zombie loving QuirkyQuirkster, mea culpa Meleah, Nicky the mistress of Cheese and her cohort Mike, running Reffie, caffeine-powered-dinky-dynamo Eolist Petite, the evil genius Max Tunguska, fake-Barbie-toting Katharine, Beetle Babs, Nanny Goat Margaret, bacon-filled Junk Drawer Kathy, insanity inducers Ziva and MikeWJ, Alastair and the lovely G, Unfinished Brian, Magpie Tess Kincaid. poet Brian Miller, my fellow Huff-Post 50 pal Joanna Jenkins, Blissed-Out Nancy, Surly Michelle, wannabe stripper Chrissy, Sister Phillipia, and my oldest school chum but newest blogging pal Dan Kincade. Because no woman can become a cat lady when she has friends!

Here's a look back at how it all started...

December 22, 2008

In taking a step back to review my life as the New Year approaches, I find that I have become a crazy cat lady... without the cats.  How does this happen?  Let me enlighten you...


1.  Stop doing your dishes.... there's really no reason to do dishes until you have nothing left to eat off of.  Then you can simply polish up a fork with a your shirt tail.

2.  Always drop things on the floor when you enter your home.  Why use up extra energy to locate where the things actually belong?  Being a cat lady is all about conserving energy. Besides, that way you'll always know where everything is... in the pile just inside the door.

3.  Don't make your bed... you're just getting back into it the next night anyway.

4.  Don't bathe too often... it allows the natural oils on your skin to maintain that youthful glow.

5.  Never, ever vacuum... all the pet hair on the floor and furniture actually adds to the insulation value of your home.

6.  Don't go outside unless it's really necessary.  (For instance, like if the house catches fire.)  This keeps the warm air inside during the winter months, saving on utilities. 

7.   Don't answer the phone.  It's usually just someone who either wants to complain about something or who wants your money for some obscure reason.  Be sure you have special ring tones for individual friends you MIGHT want to talk to.  Limit yourself to three ring tones... saves on having too many people who actually know who you are.  A special ring tone for family members is especially important.  They may want to try to save you from being a crazy cat lady, so it's best to avoid them.

8.  Watch LOTS of TV.  The more senseless the program the better.  Talk shows are particularly useful for building your self esteem.  (They demonstrate how many people are crazier than you are.)  Remember, no matter how many other bills go unpaid... always keep the cable bill paid up... there are so many more possibilities for trash TV on cable than there are on regular TV.  (Although, I would also suggest paying the electric bill so you have the juice for running the TV.)

9.  Talk to yourself frequently... remember, you are your own best friend. 

10.  Always remember... there's absolutely no reason to actually have cats... simple black construction paper silhouettes in the windows will do just fine.  Much better to have a dog who will bark at strangers who try to come to the door to extricate you from your abode.  Plus, the dog is always glad to see you... cats could care less.

So there you have it... even if you maintain the facade of being a normal person in public, you too can become a crazy cat lady at home.  No one ever has to know... which makes you an even crazier cat lady than the usual one.  

Best wishes for a healthy and happy New Year!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

In which I get the "V.I.P." treatment...

If you know me at all, you know that I have a propensity for ending up in the hospital.  It's become almost a yearly thing with me.  2013-hand surgery, 2012-gallbladder removal, 2011-broken leg, 2010-ER visit after sliding down the attic stairs and clunking my head on the wall.  (Yes, I admit, I'm kind of a walking disaster!)  As the year draws to a close, I started thinking to myself, "Wouldn't it be great if I could get through 2014 without any medical disasters?" That would be so cool!

And then I went in for my yearly mammogram.  No big deal... no history of breast cancer in my family. I got smooshed and came home.  The Tuesday before Thanksgiving I got a call from the radiologist that they wanted me to come in for another mammogram.  The first one wasn't clear enough.

They smooshed me again and I still wasn't too concerned... until they thoughtfully ushered me into the "V.I.P. Lounge" and asked if I wanted any juice or water or anything while I waited for the films to come back.  As I sat there drinking the complimentary bottle of water, I started thinking to myself, "When they take you to the "V.I.P Lounge" and offer you something to drink, it's probably not a good thing."

It wasn't.  An ultrasound, biopsy and MRI later it was confirmed... I have breast cancer.  

But before you go and get all worried about me, I want you to know I'll be fine. Because of the type of cancer and due to early detection, I'm getting off easy with a partial mastectomy followed by six weeks of radiation.

Yeah, I'll kick cancer's butt... no problem!  Because I'm a she-woman!   I think I'll skip the pink tattoo, though.  Pink is just not my color!
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