On the Road with 30M2DoW: Episode 9

Dylan


Dufus had rushed off to who knows where.  Maryse and I figured we'd meet up with him at Rover's Rump a little later in the day.  In the meantime, we had a blast, talking about Dufus while he wasn't there and rearranging his album collection by color.  (Just to mess with him.)

It was late in the evening when we heard the garbage cans outside crashing around.  "Dufus is home!" we both said in unison, laughing and having a good time.  Perhaps it was the empty bottles on the kitchen counter that were responsible for our levity, but seriously, it had been an awesome day.

We were just about to go open the door leading out to the deck to let him in, when we noticed a pair of eyes peering in through the kitchen window.

Nicky!

How had she gotten Dufus's address?

There was only one thing to do.  We turned out the lights and turned up the tunes.

Go away from my window
Leave at your own chosen speed
I'm not the one you want, babe
I'm not the one you need

You say you're lookin' for someone
Whose vodka's never weak but always strong
To write your stupid blogs for you
Whether prompts are right or wrong

Someone to write each and every day

But it ain't me, babe
No, no, no, it ain't me, babe
It ain't me you're lookin' for

Go lightly from the ledge, babe
Go lightly on the ground
I'm not the one you want, babe
I'll only let you down

You say you're lookin' for someone
Who'll write for every stupid prompt
Someone to write your blog for you
Someone close to your evil heart
Someone who'll write for you and even more

But it still ain't me, babe
No, no, no, it sure ain't me, babe
It ain't me you're lookin' for

Go, melt back into the night
Everything inside is made of stone
There's nothing in here moving
An' anyway I'm not alone

You say you're looking for someone
Who'll pick up your vodka and all
To gather followers constantly
And to write every time you call
A lover for your life, and nothing more

But it ain't me, babe
No, no, no,it ain't me, babe
It ain't me you're lookin' for

(That would be Ziva.)  

Maryse whispered, "For once in my life, I'm actually glad Dufus has an album for every occasion."

To be continued...

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Now, go away from my window and go check out who else is writing about Dylan today over at We Work for Cheese.  (Just don't tell Nicky who sent you.)

On the Road with 30M2DoW: Episode 8

Damn

I slept in the next morning.  When I woke up the sun was high in the sky and there was music coming from downstairs.  At first I thought it was Dylan, but Dufus assured he we wouldn't be breaking out any Dylan until tomorrow.  He also called me a cretin that I could mistake anyone else for Dylan.  

"Sit down.  You're just in time for breakfast."

Damn... what was that glop he set before me?

I thought perhaps Dufus had brought up the dregs of his last meal, but he assured me this was the finest in Canadian Cuisine.  I wasn't aware there was such a thing as Canadian Cuisine.  

Dufus enlightened me.  "It's called poutine."

Poutine Cuisine.  The name suits it.

As I ran, gagging, for the powder room, I could hear Henry lapping up the gravy off the fries and cheese curds.

To be continued...

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Looking for some more Canadian Cuisine?  Stop over at We Work For Cheese to see who else is damning Nicky today for starting the "30 Minus 2 Days of Writing" all over again.  She might even have some cheese curds left to share with you.

On the Road with 30M2DoW: Episode 7

Hint, Hint

Maryse and I stayed up late talking that night.  She confided how worried she was about Dufus.  How he'd become secretive and uncommunicative since February 1st.  "He's even taken to wearing a trench coat and fedora," she said.  "It's like he's hiding from something."

I admitted that I, too, had become rather paranoid in the past week.  "It's just this thing with Nicky.  For some reason, she keeps wanting us to do this writing challenge.  We try to get out of doing it, but she's so freakin' persistent!"

Maryse was shocked to hear how Nicky had been tracking my movements.  Just as I was about to reveal what I'd discovered in what I now call "The Dufus Papers", there was a crashing and banging in the front entryway.

It was Dufus, looking much the worse for wear.  His eyes were bloodshot and he reeked of stale beer and whiskey.

"So she's after you too, eh?" he said when he saw me.  "How long do you plan to hide out here?"

"Dufus, don't pester her", said Maryse.  "She's had a rough day and she doesn't need you hounding her."

At which point, Dufus tripped and fell onto the couch.  Henry jumped up next to him and proceeded to lick the pretzel crumbs out of Dufus's beard.

As Dufus attempted to fend off The Infernal Spawn of Evil, he grumbled, "All I'm sayin' is fish and house guests both start to stink after three days.  Hint, hint!"

I gathered I had three days before I had to move on.


To be continued...

On the Road with 30M2DoW: Episode 6

Scatterbrained 

Well, I have to say there were a few words describing Nicky on those crumpled pieces of paper that shocked even me.  I was glad Max wasn't here to read them.  

Peu désordonnée?  Nicky est une connivence sorcière.
I'll show you scatterbrained!

Beneath the writing was a rather impressive doodle with Nicky's name written in Dufus's distinctive scrawl across the bottom of the page.

And Dufus used to be such a kind, thoughtful man.  What was this scheme of Nicky's doing to us?  Then on another scrap of paper I found:

Aide-moi, Maryse, avant de faire quelque chose que je vais regretter!

I already knew Dufus relied completely on the fair Maryse for his stability, so I figured it was time to head back to Chez Dufus to see if he'd made it back home yet.  I went to pay my tab, but as I approached the bar the man in the trench coat and fedora, (without even looking at me,) said, "C'est sur moi, petite amie.  It's on me, toots."  I nodded my thanks and went back out into the night, small dog in tow.

It had been nearly two years since I'd seen Maryse, but she recognized me right away and welcomed me with open arms.  "Mais bien sûr, vous allez rester avec nous pendant quelques jours !  But of course you'll stay with us for a few days."

Finally... a friendly face and a warm place to sleep for the night.  We'd sort the rest of it out in the morning.  It had been a long day.  A very long day.

To be continued...

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Now, stroll on over to We Work for Cheese for your evening constitutional to see who else is making disparaging remarks about Nicky and her 30 Minus 2 Days of Writing challenge today!

On the Road with 30M2DoW: Episode 5

The Empty Bottle


We entered the roadhouse and I headed toward the head, leaving Max at the bar with the Sarsaparilla I ordered for him.  As Henry follows me everywhere, including the bathroom, there was no need for additional subterfuge.  We did the only reasonable thing.  Henry and I climbed out the window.

Circling around to the front of the building I left a note for Max on the window of the cheese wagon, thanking him for his hospitality.  In other circumstances, it would have been a pleasure traveling with Max, but we had promises to keep.  (Yes, and miles to go before we could sleep.)  

We found our way out to Highway 50 and began thumbing our way west toward Ottawa.  I figured we could bunk with Dufus for a day or two before heading south again.  We caught a ride right away, which is surprising for a woman with a dog in one arm and an axe in the other.

It was pretty late when I knocked on the door of Chez Dufus.  Nobody answered.  There was a note stuck on the door, though.

"Maryse... gone down to the On The House pub.  Back soon."

Happily, the On The House is only a short walk from Dufus's house and Henry and I had not yet taken our evening constitutional.

Fifteen minutes later we entered the pub.  Looking around, the only person I saw was a guy in a trench coat and fedora sitting at the bar throwing back some Pabst beers with whiskey chasers.  I could tell Dufus had been there, though.  On a side table was an empty bottle and a bunch of crumpled up papers with "30M2DoW" scrawled across the top along with a bunch of what I figured were swear words in both English and French.

I ordered a beer and sat down to see if I could get any clues from the discarded papers.


To be continued...

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Head on over to We Work for Cheese to check out who else is inspired by Nicky's & Mike's prompts for the 30 Minus 2 Days of Writing challenge.

On the Road with 30M2DoW: Episode 4

When Hell Freezes Over

Funny thing about back roads.  They always lead you in the most circuitous route to wherever you're going.  Makes you feel like hell will freeze over before you get to your destination.  In fact, we'd been on the road so long, I was beginning to think Max was taking me to Montreal instead of to the closest car rental establishment.  What was my first clue?

Well, besides the sun setting out the left window of the cheese wagon, it was also starting to get colder.  A lot colder.  And snowier.

Not to mention the fact that the road signs were in both French and English.

Damn!  I must have been asleep in the back of the van when we went through customs.

The trees began to thin and I started to notice a few ramshackle buildings where previously there had been none.  When we came to a road house that looked like it might have a clean bathroom I asked Max to pull over.  The bright sign over the door was both a welcome and, (at the same time,) a discouraging sight.

Yes, we were definitely in Quebec.


To be continued...

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Now, before you hit the head, head on over to We Work For Cheese to see who else is participating in today's 30M2DoW extravaganza.

On the Road with 30M2DoW: Episode 3

Temporary Insanity

First the mysterious cheese and sinister note at the rest area, then the Maxmobile?  I was beginning to think I was losing my mind.  Why was this happening to me?  I hoped it was only a temporary insanity.

I really hadn't planned to get caught up in Nicky's web of intrigue, but here I was, stuck in the back of a cheese wagon,  headed for who knows where. I was beginning to suspect that Nicky had somehow been responsible for the demise of Old Blue as well. Henry had started to whine, which wasn't helping my stress induced headache.

Before long we came to a fork in the road and Max looked over his shoulder to ask which way I thought we should go.

"What the hell," I thought.  "As long as we've come this far, let's go with the road less traveled."

Max smiled and replied, "I hear it makes all the difference."  He stepped on the gas and we veered off to the right.

To be continued...

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As long as you've come along for the ride, be sure to stop by We Work For Cheese to see who else has has developed a fit of temporary insanity by participating in 30M2DoW today.

On the Road with 30M2DoW

Episode 2: It Was No Accident

As I turned back toward the highway, Henry started to bark.  Incessantly.  I knew it had been a mistake to bring along the beast my son lovingly dubbed “The Infernal Spawn of Evil”.  But unlike cats, you can’t leave dogs home alone for long periods of time.  When he starts barking like that it’s usually a warning that something bad is about to happen.  Sure enough, shortly after the cacophony began, Old Blue began to sputter and shake.  I thought she had one more road trip left in her, but perhaps my mechanic had been right… it was time to turn her out to pasture and fork over the cash for a new means of transportation.  As I pulled Old Blue to the curb, an orange van appeared in my rear-view mirror.  I prayed the driver would take pity on us and stop so we could catch a lift to the next town.   The van began to slow, pulling off onto the side of the road. Closer and closer it came… until it bumped into Old Blue, sounding the death knell to her rusted chassis.  What the….?

It was no accident.  There in the driver seat, propped up on a bunch of old Montreal phone books, was Max.  Seriously, Nicky?  You had to send your kid to keep track of me?  

To be continued….

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Yes, it's February, which means it's time for another round of 30M2DoW. (That's "30 Minus 2 Days of Writing" to the uninitiated).  Be sure to stop over at the We Work for Cheese to see who else Nicky and Cheesy Mike finagled into playing along.

30M2DoW Begins

Episode 1: Gouda

It had already been a long, cold winter and it was only the end of January.  There was only one thing to do… get out of town.  I set my sights for Florida, but somehow made a wrong turn once I reached Interstate 81.  I ended up heading north instead of south.  A rookie mistake.  No problem, though.  At the first rest area I’d turn around.  Pulling off the expressway I stopped near a picnic table to walk the dog before heading for the facilities to relieve myself of the large tankard of coffee I’d been nursing since leaving Rochester.  Approaching the picnic table I was perplexed to find a round object wrapped in red wax.  What was a wheel of gouda doing there? Perhaps another traveller had left it.  Then I noticed a note was attached. 

As Henry took care of business and I thought to myself, “What the hell?  How had Nicky found me?” 

To be continued…

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Yes, boys and girls, it's time once again for 30 Minus 2 Days of Writing.  Nicky and Cheesy Mike over at We Work for Cheese will be keeping us on our toes as we try to meet the challenge. Head on over there and check out who else is crazy enough to buy into this nonsense!

Spot the Difference

As many of you know, I had a little surprise before the holidays.  Turns out I had a spot of breast cancer.  People started leaving pink ribbons on my doorstep and on the windshield of my car, much to my chagrin.

You know what's worse than finding out you have breast cancer, though?  Finding out on the same day you learned you have cancer that your car has only six weeks to live!  I was far more disturbed by that cheery piece of news from my mechanic than I was about the cancer.  After all, Old Blue and I have been together for 19 years and I was hoping we'd make it to our 20th anniversary.  Alas, it was not meant to be.  *sigh*  But I digress.  Back to the whole "my car's dying but I'm not" saga...

The holidays were filled with fun activities like biopsies and MRIs and being injected with radioactive isotopes and having a freakishly long needle stuck into my boob without any anesthetic!  Not only that, they just left it sitting there, poking out a good three inches!  It was like those first aid videos where the guy has the chunk of glass jutting out of his arm and they have to pack it with gauze and bandages to keep it from moving.  Except this time they put an adorable blue face mask over the needle after they packed gauze around it.  Stylin'!

After all that, the surgery was nothing!  They took out the cancer blob and some lymph nodes, then sewed, glued and taped me back together again.  They even gave me a cute little pit pillow made by hospital volunteers to keep my arm from bumping my incision.  I was home two hours after surgery, happily doped up and mellowed out in my recliner.

Trust me... I was feeling no pain!

Now three weeks post surgery you can hardly tell I had breast cancer.  Seriously!  I defy you to spot the difference:

Yeah... I went there.

I still have some fun stuff to contend with, (like 6 weeks of radiation,) but overall it's all good.  I'm kicking cancer's butt to the curb!