I'm a Fun Person... Really!

I went to the doctor for my biennial physical last week.  All things considered, I'm in pretty good shape. 

Blood pressure = good
Cholesterol = good
Diabetes = none
Weight = not good, but on a downward turn since my last visit
EKG = normal
PPD = negative
Flu Shot = injected

I could balance on one foot, walk a straight line, touch my fingers to my nose without looking.

Yeah... not bad at all.

However, I started feeling a little discouraged when my internist stated rather than asked... "You're not sexually active, are you?" 

Excuse me?  Is it that obvious that I've lost my allure?  Don't I look like a fun person? 

How insulting!

So when he came to the part about asking me, in compliance with the New York State Health Department policy, "Would you like a test for HIV?"

Well, I had to redeem my self-esteem somehow...

I said, "Sure!"

Oh yeah!  Those folks down at the lab were going to think I'm one wild and crazy woman!  They probably took one look at me and no doubt had me pegged for a slutty intravenous drug using degenerate.  Good times!  Good times!

Geesh... the lengths I have to do these days to convince people I'm not all washed up! 

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

On a more serious note...  get tested!

And just in case there was ever any doubt... I'm HIV negative.

Bad Moon (Blood Pressure) Rising

My parents were very successful in raising me to be a "nice" girl.  Sadly, they were a bit too successful.  Why?  Because when it comes to dealing with people, I'm often too nice for my own good.  In fact, I might as well have "SAP" tattooed onto my forehead.

I talk a good line like I'm all badass and shit, but when it comes to standing up for myself, I'm the world's biggest pushover and I have the blood pressure to prove it.  Especially this week.

With my change in jobs came a change in insurance policies.  So when it came time to pick up my prescriptions at the pharmacy two weeks ago, one wasn't ready yet they said, because with the new insurance it needed doctor approval.  Okay, I can deal with that.  I said thank you and went away.

A few days later I went back.  Still not ready because now they tell me it needed pre-approval from the insurance company.  Okay, I was seeing my internist in a few days anyway, so I could check it out with him.  I don't understand but I'm still all polite and shit.

So, off I go to the doctor who has a hissy fit because he had called in a substitute prescription that didn't need pre-approval a week ago and they didn't fill the prescription and my blood pressure is elevated because I haven't had the meds.  He sent the prescription over again.  No problem, right?

Wrong... on arriving at the pharmacy I'm told it's STILL not ready because the approval hasn't come through yet for the original prescription or the new one the doctor replaced it with because it turns out the new one needs pre-approval as well.  This time I get all sanctimonious as only a wimpy cat lady can. I firmly (i.e. not smiling) asked the pharmacy to call the doctor right then and there.  And she did...

Finally!  A victory for me!

....only to be put on hold while they went back and forth to see what needed to be done.  Finally she asks if I can come back.  Oh, yeah.  I'll come back... because I'm a wuss.  And people wonder why my blood pressure is high? 

Finally, I go back to the pharmacy for the fourth time and....

drum roll, please....

the prescription is still not ready.  The approval came through, but the insurance will only cover $30 of the cost, so they wanted to be sure I still wanted it.  WTF?  Do I still want it?  Do they know how badly my blood pressure is rising?  Of course I want it... damned the cost at this point.  She asked if I wanted to come back....

HELL NO!  I sat my fat ass on the bench and waited for another 20 minutes while they filled the prescription. 

It took four trips to the pharmacy and one trip to the doctor to get my meds.  And now I have to go back to the doctor for yet another time in a month to make sure the new meds are working properly. GRRRRR!

Just once I'd like to go into battle like these guys:

Yeah... that would be badass.

It Helps Having Friends in High Places!

In the continuing saga of my pitiful existence...

It turns out I have friends in high places! Always handy! That's one of the advantages of living long enough to have accumulated a variety of acquaintances in a variety of professions. My physician friend had his office call up the orthopedist's office and got me an appointment for this afternoon. Yay!

Of course, the orthopedist was looking at me funny and I know what he was probably thinking... "Stuck up bitch made me open up a spot for her when she had a perfectly good appointment for next week!" He kinda looked like this:

House has Zombie eyes! Run!

But not quite as scary as House. I'm sure House would have just called me a "whiny butt" to my face and walked away after knocking my crutches out from under me with his cane. But this guy was more polite. He didn't say a thing. Maybe it was his way of protecting his self esteem by not admitting my friends were more important than his friends. Whatever...

But, to be fair, he was very nice and told me he thought I had been managing very well in the last 5 years since I tore my ACL & MCL. He said I could get rid of the immobilizer, but that I had to keep the crutches. GRRRRR. I hate crutches. But since the immobilizer was causing a rash on my leg, I suppose the crutches are the better choice.

And, I get to go back to physical therapy for a few visits to strengthen what muscles I have left in my knee. Physical therapy is kind of like torture as far as I'm concerned.


Wikipedia photo of torture
rack in the Tower of London.
I remember seeing this the
last time I had PT.

Seriously, this is probably what I have to look forward to.

I'll most likely be attached to all sorts of implements of torture over the next few weeks. Damn!

Plus the doctor gave me a note so I could go back to work. He actually asked how soon I wanted to go back. While it would have been nice to have a "get out of work free" card, it's also good to make some money to pay for all the medical expenses I'll be incurring, what with the emergency room visit and PT and such. So I'll be heading back in tomorrow after PT.

Besides, left to my own devices, I'd probably just fall down the stairs again at home anyway from complacency and sheer boredom. Going back to work will keep me out of trouble.