When I posted those 10 secrets that were required for the Honest Scrap Award, one dealt with having skewered myself with a fish hook. If that's not a reason to say WTF, I don't know what is.*
It started out simply enough... my brother Waldo and I decided to go fishing at the local park about three blocks from our house. Not yet devotees of Izaak Walton, we had very simple equipment... a rod and reel, a bamboo pole, some fishing line, a couple of hooks and some worms we dug up in the backyard.
We figured we knew what we were doing. Waldo even caught a few fish. I wasn't having any luck... the fish just ate the worms off my hook. WTF?
At one point during the outing, my bamboo pole was laying on the ground as I squeamishly impaled yet another worm onto the hook. (I didn't like that part, but Waldo refused to do it for me.) About the same time, Waldo decided to switch spots and walked around me on the path. Tripping over my bamboo pole, he went flying. With no spinning reel to let out some slack, the line tightened, forcing the hook, worm and all, into my finger.
WTF is this fish hook doing in my finger?
WTF is it with this worm still wriggling around on the hook?
WTF... I think I'm dying!
Meanwhile, Waldo was yelling at me for leaving my pole around where it could trip him. WTF? Here I am dying, and he's blaming me for tripping him? WTF?
Once he realized I had the barb firmly embedded in my finger, Waldo began to feel a little bit sorry for me. He even had the wherewithal to detach the worm from the hook that was now permanently attached to my anatomy. Meanwhile, I clung to my finger, cutting off all the circulation so that the worm germs didn't get into my bloodstream. My life was passing before my eyes... all 9 years of it. WTF? To be brought down in my prime by blood poisoning!
I grew even more faint when we got to the doctor's office and learned that the only way to remove the hook was to push it the rest of the way through my finger, cut off the barb and then pull it back out the other way. WTF? Even with novocaine, I was convinced I felt everything. A tetanus shot later and it was all over.
So the next time you're sitting there thinking, "WTF is that fish hook doing in my finger?", here are some instructions for what to do. I personally like the last part of Step #9. I mean, WTF... shouldn't a 9-year-old be given a shot of whiskey in that situation? I think I deserved it!
Hey! They forgot to give me the shot of whiskey! WTF?
Steps
1. Carefully push the hook through your finger, toe, etc. until it pushes through the other side, unless the barb is not in. It hurts, but it's better than ripping it out the way it came.
2. Take a pair of pliers with wire cutters on them, and cut the barb off the hook.
3. Pull what's left of the hook out. This should hurt a little more, but still way better than ripping the hook out.
4. If bleeding is severe, apply pressure to both sides of the wound until the bleeding slows down and apply a bandage.
5. Get a tetanus shot, just in case the hook is rusty.
6. There is an alternate method for removing a fish hook when it is stuck in deep tissue.
7. Take a foot long piece of fishing string and make a loop around the bend of the hook.
8. Hold string in one hand, and push down on the eye of the hook with the other hand.
9. Distract the patient, then yank the string. Pushing down on the eye of the hook keeps the barb from ripping a much larger hole on the way out. Apply a band aid and a shot of whiskey if needed.
*(Although at the time it happened, I had no idea what the F word was, let alone WTF. I'm just sayin'.)
