I'm Diggin' It!

How did it get to be Friday already? And what am I happy about? I may have to dig deep for this one.

Let's see:

~I was thrilled that it wasn't my naked butt being dragged alongside a train.

~I was delighted to see so many friends at the Willow Manor Ball this week.

~I was encouraged to see so many people embrace the Climate Change theme for Blog Action Day.

~I was pleased to see the return of Nanodance, (who had gone missing for a while,) even if she did go all topical on my ass.

~I was intrigued by the whole TweetDeck concept, which I'm still trying to figure out.

and

~I was (and still am) happy to have made the acquaintance of some interesting new bloggy folks. Go check them out and have a great weekend!

The Thought Bubbles of Robbie Munn

Any friend of iDifficult, Indigo & Eolist Petite...

Kacklin' with KaLynn

Another 50-something adventurer.

Jayne, an eclectic writer who's in her own world.

Where nothing is sacred!

"Where Did I Put My Glass Slippers?" or "Polish Up the Old Pumpkin!"

OMG! Here I am talking about Cocktail Parties and I forgot all about the fact that tonight is the Willow Manor Ball!

What to wear, what to wear?

The tea party outfit just isn't fancy enough and the wench outfit is way too slutty... they'll never let me in looking like that!

Guess I'll just have to go shopping.... and where better than Liana's Paper Doll blog?

If you haven't yet checked Liana out, you really must... these outfits are to die for!

Here are some classic styles from her collection which are up for consideration for tonight's ball:

Or should I go with something a bit more daring:

I think that would make me look kinda dangerous! I like it!

Or I could go with something a little more hip and modern like this futuristic knight outfit for the discerning woman.

And the attached laser zapper would come in handy if anyone got too fresh on the dance floor... after all, I do have my reputation to think of as a single woman.

On second thought, nah... it's just not me. Besides, where would I put my shield while I'm dancing?

Alas, I just haven't figured out yet how to get the little paper tabs on these swell gowns to work on my plus-sized body. (Note to Liana: You really must start making the back sides to these lovely gowns... people are beginning to talk.)

Maybe I should just stay home. Besides, I'm not sure my date will be ready in time anyway...

Damn you, Indigo! How could you on such an important day?

Oh well, maybe next year....

(I wonder if Otin or Maelstrom or Moooooog or Skip or Mr. Glob or Scotty or C.B. or iDifficult or Subby or the Dufus or one of those other bloggy guys will be available next year to go with me to the virtual ball now that Indigo has lost his chance?)

So Many Blogs, So Little Time: WTF Wednesday

Okay, I've been trying to get to my WTF Wednesday post for about two hours now, but I keep getting distracted by other people's blogs. WTF is up with that? There are just too many good bloggers out there who deserve my time and attention! Damn you all! I should be out looking for work and instead I find myself glued to the computer screen... it's like a Zombie's need for brainz (you hear that, Quirky?) Luckily there's hope for me since MikeWJ over at Too Many Mornings just posted a new 12-Step program for Blogaholics today.

And WTF is up with the dog crap in my house? I feel like I've won Ettarose's Craption Contest 10 times over, when in reality I haven't won it even once!
I'm taking care of a dear friend's dog for a few days and he's been crapping all over the house at night. (The dog, not the friend.) Shit! I mean that literally! WTF! And I keep finding it by stepping on it... damn the dark red oriental rugs and dim lighting.  (Hey, Pearl... is it still called "urban mousse" if it's INside your house?)  Guess Jasper's sleeping in the kitchen for the rest of his stay. But I still love you anyway, Ann!  After all, you feed me on a regular basis... and except for the crapping all over the rugs thing, Jasper's awfully sweet.  

Guess that's enough bitching for this morning... I think I'd better go take a shower now, since my feet aren't smelling too great. Later...

Look Out! It's Margo! And She Looks MAD I tell you! MAD!

Well, I've really done it this time. Mad Mad Margo says my blog has been a little over the top recently. I'm so sorry, Me-Me! I think if I don't apologize publicly, she's going to come over here and Scream at Me. That's right, ME! That's cause she's The Screaming Me Me!

Now, Me-Me has one of the coolest looking blogs I've ever seen. There's just something about that blue header with the yellow and orange letters on the black polka dot background that really WOWs me!

WOW! WOW!

Way cool, Margo! Mad skills there with the blog skins! Wish I was smart enough to do that. Mad Mad Margo's also got a wicked badge:

Anyway, getting down to brass tacks...

Margo actually gave me a little warning label for my blog... seems she wants to use my life as a cautionary tale for others. Here it is...

Not only that, she wants me to do some free association to help you determine just how over the top I actually am. (I'll take my answers to the shrink with me the next time so he can decide whether or not to adjust my meds.)

On with the show...

Official conditions for receiving this award/warning:

1. Answer the questions below using only one word. (I'm sorry.. it's impossible for me to use just one in some instances. so I'm going to cheat by hyphenating a few. Hope Mad Mad Margo doesn't scream at me.)

2. Thank the blogger who gave it to you.

3. Pass it on to 6 of your favorite bloggers.

So, now the questions:

1. Where is your cell phone? pocket

2. Your hair? combed (Hey, for me that's pretty impressive!)

3. Your mother? hard-of-hearing

4. Your father? jolly

5. Your favorite food? pasta

6. Your dream last night? forgettable

7. Your favorite drink? Dr. Pepper (Duh!)

8. Your dream/goal? retirement

9. What room are you in? sun-room

10. Your hobby? blogging

11. Your fear? homelessness

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? vacationing

13. Where were you last night? home

14. Something you aren't? Mensa-material

15. Muffins? carrot

16. Wish list items? gainful-employment

17. Where did you grow up? Iowa

18. Last thing you did? dog-sitting

19. What are you wearing? rags

20. Your TV? won-in-a-raffle!

21. Your pets? Hickory-the-Wonder-Dog

22. Your friends? forgiving

23. Your life? simple

24. Your mood? hopeful

25. Missing someone? Vlad

26. Vehicle? Toyota (old)

27. Something you're not wearing? socks

28. Your favorite store? Target

29. Your favorite color? green (but I wear mostly black & I also like blues with my greens.)

30. When was the last time you laughed? today

31. Last time you cried? September

32. Your best friend? several

33. One place I go over and over? Ann's (see #35)

34. One person who emails me regularly? Engrish (yeah, that's her real name)

35. Favorite place to eat? Ann's (Silly Ann... she still hasn't made the connection that it's always dinner time when I "stop by"... free food!)

Now, because Mad Mad Margo thinks we have to warn others, I get to out 6 of you who are also a little Over the Top. At least we'll have fun together when they send us to "the home." (Do you suppose they have internet access there?)

Indigo Roth, Man of Mystery and Jail Bird!

Bird Shit and Baby Caca, Little Pieces of Crap

K a b l o o e y, Fellow Mad Scientist

Subtorp, Bass or Tuna... Who Knows?

Summer, The Circus Ringmistress

Maelstrom, My 100th Follower

If you don't know these people, go check them out... so you'll know how to escape incarceration in the future.

Thank You, Mad Mad Margo!

And The 100th Stalker Award Goes To....

So, it's finally happened.  This past weekend, Maelstrom logged in as my 100th Follower!  I love followers... especially those who talk back!  Apparently, while he claims there's Nothing to See over at his blog, Maelstrom thought there was something to see over here.  What an honor to be stalked in that way.  

Anyway, this definitely calls for a celebration.  Perhaps I'll make an exploding gingerbread house in Maelstrom's honor.  (Although the post office frowns on sending such gifts through the mail.) Or I could send him a bottle of champagne.  (No, the post office frowns on that, too... as I found out when I tried to send NGIP a bottle of Bully Hill's finest.) Or maybe I could make him a tacky (oops, I meant to say tasteful) award that he can post on his sidebar. (See above.)   Or maybe just send him a bowl of warm milk?  (Yeah, suck that up, buddy!) What to do, what to do? And then it came to me...

I'll Pimp Maelstrom's Blog!

So, in order to pimp his blog, I first have to expose him... here he is:

I know, he looks a little bit like a badass blogger.  Which is okay by me because some of my best friends are badass bloggers.  He regularly kicks up a lot of dust over at Nothing to See Here, Move Along...   

Besides blogging, Maelstrom's also an ace reporter for the WTF News Network.  I actually gave him an award last month and he wrote an article about it...

Guess he was a little suspicious of me and my intentions... but they were really honorable... honest!  And I felt pretty bad (after all the trouble I went to) that he didn't even become a follower right away after my wasting a perfectly good award on him.  But then I found out he'd actually just been waiting around, checking in on my follower list daily so he could jump at the chance to be my 100th stalker.  All is forgiven, Maelstrom!

Maelstrom's also a mentor for geniuses.  Yes, he carefully guides prodigies to develop their inner genius with his Genius of the Week series of posts.  He's even started posting audio clues. Jeff over at Histories, Mysteries and Strangeness is his latest discovery.   These have gotten progressively more difficult as the weeks have gone on.  (Either that, or I've become progressively more stupid.)

Maelstrom is also a gourmand... eating cookies from the world's classiest market, Wegman's.  Wegman's is a Rochester institution, visited by dignitaries from around the world. (Seriously... you often see foreign suits touring Wegman's when they're here on business trips.)

So, those are the basic facts about Maelstrom.  Now go check him out and become a follower of his blog!   He's truly an awesome, badass blogger.  But while you're there, just remember...  the intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating or inhaling contents may be harmful or fatal. Do it anyway... it's definitely worth it!

Thanks, Maelstrom!

And thanks to the rest of you who took the time to click on the "Follow" button!

You're Looking Fabulous, Dahling!

This week Happy Hour Friday is a "two-fer."
In addition to my regular post I'm includig a Pay it Forward Post.
Please be sure to read both and pass it on! Thanks! You'll be glad you did!

A while back I got this fortune in my fortune cookie widget:

Happy events will take place shortly in your home.

(Did you hear that, Otin? Perfect for Happy Hour Friday!)

Now, I'm too old for any "blessed events," so what could this mean? Then the answer came to me...

It was an award from Phillipia! She was the first person to follow my blog who didn't actually know me and owe me a favor. (Hah! Fooled her!) And after all this time not only has she remained a follower, she thinks I'm fabulous! What a happy day! I'm overflowing with joy at the moment because my fortune came true! Now I truly believe in the fortune cookie widget.

As with many bloggy awards, there are rules and regulations attached. To wit: I have to list 5 of my obsessions. (Being somewhat OC, it should be easy to come up with something.) And I have to pass it forward to 5 more fabulous bloggers (who don't already have this accolade.)

So, as to the obsessions:

1. I have to do a crossword puzzle before going to sleep at night. OCD! OCD! *points finger* I used to read in bed but had to give that up after years of staying up all night reading... just one more paragraph... just one more page... just one more chapter... just have to finish the book. *yawn*

2. Blankets... I love blankets! From the time I was a baby I've loved blankets. I have them all over my house and like nothing more than to curl up with one while I'm reading a book, watching TV or blogging. (At the moment I'm wrapped up in one of my favorite fleece blankets.) In fact, I love them so much I knit blankets for special people for special occasions. Vlad, who is 6'6" tall, loves that I custom knit his blankets so his feet aren't sticking out the bottom all the time.

3. I must have comfy clothes. Soft, well-worn, loose clothing is integral to my happiness. I can't wear new clothes until all the tags have been ripped out and until they have been thoroughly washed to remove any lingering dyes or chemicals. I rarely wear "girl clothes" unless absolutely necessary. (Like, say for job interviews.) So yes... I definitely dress like a cat lady. Important note: Comfy clothes should never be ironed.

4. My drug of choice is Dr. Pepper. While I talk a good line about drinking mass quantities of liquor, my true obsession is Dr. Pepper. And not that diet kind that Quirky likes. *icky face* I need pure, unadulterated Dr. Pepper. In other words, if I'm going to sin, I'm going to sin boldly!

5. I'm obsessed with teaching. Although I'm currently "between jobs," when I am working I put my heart and soul into it. I love transforming my room with the kids into a magical world that reflects whatever topic we're studying. I don't do anything half-way when I'm teaching. Which is why I'm a Connoisseur of Crap and why my house is a jumble of artifacts, books, costumes, etc. My obsession is also the reason why I decided to bag the Director's job to go back into the classroom.

So, now that I've completed the obsessions requirement, allow me to acquaint you with the award:

(This looks just like Hickory the Wonder Dog and me as we go for our morning constitutional.)

Now for the 5 bloggers who are even more fabulous:

Trodo: in memory of Sam

Skye: whose granola will soon become an obsession for bloggers everywhere

Nanodance: with whom I've spent many happy ours obsessing about things

Pearl: whose blog has become one of my daily obsessions

The Peach Tart: who has become a role model as well as a daily "must read"

Now go check out these fabulous women! And don't forget to say "Hey!" to Phillipia, who looks fabulous in her Carmen Miranda habit.

The Li'l People are Coming! The Li'l People are Coming!

I feel so overwhelmed with bloggy love today! I thought the day couldn't possibly get any better after Quirky gave me a Quombie... and then I learned I won Jules' Best Giveaway Ever!

If you've never met Jules, you should not pass go but go directly to this secret location:

Now, you're probably wondering what would constitute the Best Giveaway Ever. Here's a hint...

What do these things have in common?

An old hag, a cowboy, a dog, a fat kid, a train conductor, a comb over guy and Kanye West.

They're all Little People! And they come in a swell, pink evening bag with a blue plastic handle!

I'm already thinking up bloggy plans for them.

Thanks, Jules! (And thanks to Dingo for pulling my name out of the evening bag.)

Congratulations, Nanodance, LMT! (Happy Hour Friday #3)

Nothing can make me happier at this hour on a Friday morning than the news that my BBFF Nanodance over at Callithump Thunderblog is now a Licensed Massage Therapist!  

Now I can become her palpation slave with impunity since she's all legal and everything.

To celebrate we went over to Cherie's house to raise a glass of wine in Nanodance's honor as we enjoyed soaking in the hot tub.

It was a clear night. The stars were shining.  The wine was flowing. It just doesn't get much better than that.

And see how happy it made her friend, Sondra Stinglash:

Congratulations, Nanodance!  

WTF Wednesday: #1

So, Hit 40 started a "WTF Wednesday" game over at Sane Without Drugs. I thought it would be fun to play along. After all, how many times a week do I think to myself, WTF? Those three little letters work so well for a prudish 50-something CatLady who still feels squeamish about actually saying the F-bomb out loud.

Anyway, I recently found myself among the millions of people battling to find gainful employment in the midst of a recession. I actually have some pretty awesome skills, but jumping through all the hoops to get to the point where I can actually tell somebody about my awesomeness is making me say WTF!?!

WTF is that all about, when you have to get fingerprinted and pass all these tests before they will issue you a teaching certificate in New York, but then once you have the certificate, they still want you to prove you've been fingerprinted and have taken the tests. I mean WTF?!!? Shouldn't the fact that I'm permanently certified (not to mention certifiable) prove that I've met those requirements?

WTF makes them think I actually put my fingerprint clearance and test scores in an easily retrievable place and committed that obscure place to memory after I got the coveted permanent certification? They never said I'd actually have to be able to produce them again!

WTF was I thinking when I said "no thank you" to a position for which I am not certified? Now I can't collect unemployment because I "turned down" a position.

Guess I'm feeling a little discouraged today. But not to worry....

I'm just going to go read some more awesome blogs... that always cheers me up! And it's time for all the caption contests! Life if worth living again! But WTF is with that crazy baby head picture on ettarose's craption contest today? Freaks me out! And makes me laugh! Thanks, ettarose! I needed that!

(To play along with ettarose's Caption Contest Wednesday, simply click on the scary baby head!)

A Funny Thing Happened on My Way to Get More Coffee...

Speaking of funny things... Lynn over at Funny Girl Goes Blog sent me a little present this week.

Seems I tickle her funny bone every once in while... either that or she just wants to get some good dirt on me. You see, she divulged some really good dirt about herself and now she wants me to do the same.

If I share my honest, innermost secrets with all of you, I get to have the Honest Scrap Award that Chrissy over at I Shoulda Been a Stripper passed on to Lynn.

But wait! Maybe "Honest Scrap" refers to all the scrap crap I have laying around the house. Maybe Funny Girl is really coveting some of my Connoisseur's Crap and wants me to share some of that! I could probably come up with more of that to share than I could secret dirt.

What do you think? Here are the rules for the award:

1. “The Honest Scrap” award is not one to hold all to your self but it must be shared!

(I can do that... I'm good at sharing.)

2. The recipient has to tell 10 true things about themselves in their blog that no one else knows.

(Do they really have to be true? It would be much more interesting if I made something up.)

3. The recipient has to pass along this prestigious award to 10 more bloggers.

(Oh, yeah! I love giving presents!)

4. Those 10 bloggers all have to be notified they have been given this award.

(If they're still speaking to me after I share my 10 secrets, I guess they'll find out.)

5. Those 10 bloggers should link back to the blog that awarded them.

(Which means MY responsibility is to link back to Funny Girl... done and done.)

If I do all those things, I get to have this....


So, now for the honest crap/truth about me.... (Please be sure to read to the end... they start out kinda slow, but I build to a great finish, if I do say so myself.)

1. I broke my first bone when I was 42... playing on the playground at school... klutz!

2. I'm totally uncoordinated. (Hence #1.) I'm not sure that counts as a secret, though.

3. Speaking of uncoordinated, I once got a fishhook stuck in my finger, which had to be pushed all the way through! Ouch! Gross! The worst part was that I did it while I was putting a worm on the hook, so both the worm and I were impaled together. (Seriously #2)

4. I know how to walk on stilts... my dad made us some when we were kids and we used to walk all over the neighborhood on them. (Despite #2.)

5. I have a scar under my nose that makes me look like my nose is running... constantly. (Thanks, mom & dad, for not asking for a plastic surgeon.) The result of falling face first into a gravel road while I was learning how to ride a bike... (Again, refer to #2.)

6. My early years were spent in rural Iowa, where my dad was a minister... my siblings and I played "baby Jesus" with the manger and shepherd's crooks that were stored in our barn. (Which could have been the precursor to developing a somewhat irreverent attitude toward formal religion later in life... sorry if that offends anyone's delicate sensibilities... I know, I'm definitely going to hell.)

7. I've been in jail... twice! (If you want more details on these youthful indiscretions, you'll have to become a CatLady follower.) Shocked? You should be!

8. Despite having been in jail, I've never had a traffic ticket in 40 years of driving... not even a parking ticket. (Which means I've probably just jinxed myself by telling you that and will now get several tickets in the next week.)

9. Chrissy will be interested to know that I really was a stripper (of sorts) in high school. My stage name was Boom-Boom Larew and I performed with my future (now ex) sister-in-law, Patti-Poo-Foo. We were pom pom girls together and during halftime at football games, the band would play "The Stripper" and Miss Poo-Foo and I would dance to the music, tossing out our pom poms, hats, gloves and vests to the crowd. (Hey, Phillipia... want me to perform at one of the G-man's games?)

10. I used to make regular stops at the morgue following Sunday dinner. (Again, if you want to find out more, you'll just have to become a follower! Aren't you intrigued?)

Were those secret enough?

Now, on to people I really need to get some dirt on:

1. Miss Stinglash... it's no secret she's responsible for the birth of my blog, so I share every scrap of crap I own with her.

2. IndigoWrath... because he's a man of mystery and probably has lots of good secrets.

3. Jewel at The Raconteur's Apprentice... because I want to compare what I think I know about her with what's really true.

4. Eolist Petite... because there's no way she's a pompous, windy bore.

5. Mr. London Street... because he's surely picked up a lot of good dirt while street walking.

6. Maelstrom... because he shops at Wegman's and I think there really is something to see there.

7. That chick who's Happy to Be From Iowa... because she's my newest fellow expat friend.

8. Summer... because her life's a real circus, so she must have some good dirt to share.

9. Madame DeFarge... again, because I'm just nosy and want to learn more about her.

10. Flubtastic Doofalo... beacuse I'm afraid if I don't share with him he might send somebody to sneak up behind me with a scary needle.


So.... That should give you all some interesting new bloggers to check out and satisfy the requirements for the Honest Scrap Award.

Thanks, Funny Girl!

And happy reading!