A Funny Thing Happened on My Way to Get More Coffee...

Speaking of funny things... Lynn over at Funny Girl Goes Blog sent me a little present this week.

Seems I tickle her funny bone every once in while... either that or she just wants to get some good dirt on me. You see, she divulged some really good dirt about herself and now she wants me to do the same.

If I share my honest, innermost secrets with all of you, I get to have the Honest Scrap Award that Chrissy over at I Shoulda Been a Stripper passed on to Lynn.

But wait! Maybe "Honest Scrap" refers to all the scrap crap I have laying around the house. Maybe Funny Girl is really coveting some of my Connoisseur's Crap and wants me to share some of that! I could probably come up with more of that to share than I could secret dirt.

What do you think? Here are the rules for the award:

1. “The Honest Scrap” award is not one to hold all to your self but it must be shared!

(I can do that... I'm good at sharing.)

2. The recipient has to tell 10 true things about themselves in their blog that no one else knows.

(Do they really have to be true? It would be much more interesting if I made something up.)

3. The recipient has to pass along this prestigious award to 10 more bloggers.

(Oh, yeah! I love giving presents!)

4. Those 10 bloggers all have to be notified they have been given this award.

(If they're still speaking to me after I share my 10 secrets, I guess they'll find out.)

5. Those 10 bloggers should link back to the blog that awarded them.

(Which means MY responsibility is to link back to Funny Girl... done and done.)

If I do all those things, I get to have this....


So, now for the honest crap/truth about me.... (Please be sure to read to the end... they start out kinda slow, but I build to a great finish, if I do say so myself.)

1. I broke my first bone when I was 42... playing on the playground at school... klutz!

2. I'm totally uncoordinated. (Hence #1.) I'm not sure that counts as a secret, though.

3. Speaking of uncoordinated, I once got a fishhook stuck in my finger, which had to be pushed all the way through! Ouch! Gross! The worst part was that I did it while I was putting a worm on the hook, so both the worm and I were impaled together. (Seriously #2)

4. I know how to walk on stilts... my dad made us some when we were kids and we used to walk all over the neighborhood on them. (Despite #2.)

5. I have a scar under my nose that makes me look like my nose is running... constantly. (Thanks, mom & dad, for not asking for a plastic surgeon.) The result of falling face first into a gravel road while I was learning how to ride a bike... (Again, refer to #2.)

6. My early years were spent in rural Iowa, where my dad was a minister... my siblings and I played "baby Jesus" with the manger and shepherd's crooks that were stored in our barn. (Which could have been the precursor to developing a somewhat irreverent attitude toward formal religion later in life... sorry if that offends anyone's delicate sensibilities... I know, I'm definitely going to hell.)

7. I've been in jail... twice! (If you want more details on these youthful indiscretions, you'll have to become a CatLady follower.) Shocked? You should be!

8. Despite having been in jail, I've never had a traffic ticket in 40 years of driving... not even a parking ticket. (Which means I've probably just jinxed myself by telling you that and will now get several tickets in the next week.)

9. Chrissy will be interested to know that I really was a stripper (of sorts) in high school. My stage name was Boom-Boom Larew and I performed with my future (now ex) sister-in-law, Patti-Poo-Foo. We were pom pom girls together and during halftime at football games, the band would play "The Stripper" and Miss Poo-Foo and I would dance to the music, tossing out our pom poms, hats, gloves and vests to the crowd. (Hey, Phillipia... want me to perform at one of the G-man's games?)

10. I used to make regular stops at the morgue following Sunday dinner. (Again, if you want to find out more, you'll just have to become a follower! Aren't you intrigued?)

Were those secret enough?

Now, on to people I really need to get some dirt on:

1. Miss Stinglash... it's no secret she's responsible for the birth of my blog, so I share every scrap of crap I own with her.

2. IndigoWrath... because he's a man of mystery and probably has lots of good secrets.

3. Jewel at The Raconteur's Apprentice... because I want to compare what I think I know about her with what's really true.

4. Eolist Petite... because there's no way she's a pompous, windy bore.

5. Mr. London Street... because he's surely picked up a lot of good dirt while street walking.

6. Maelstrom... because he shops at Wegman's and I think there really is something to see there.

7. That chick who's Happy to Be From Iowa... because she's my newest fellow expat friend.

8. Summer... because her life's a real circus, so she must have some good dirt to share.

9. Madame DeFarge... again, because I'm just nosy and want to learn more about her.

10. Flubtastic Doofalo... beacuse I'm afraid if I don't share with him he might send somebody to sneak up behind me with a scary needle.


So.... That should give you all some interesting new bloggers to check out and satisfy the requirements for the Honest Scrap Award.

Thanks, Funny Girl!

And happy reading!