Thursday, September 10, 2009

We Are Not Amused...


So, about that whole jail thing...

Growing up, I was one of those "good girls" who never did anything wrong.  I was always polite, on time and kind to others... the perfect preacher's kid.  As a result, I led a rather sheltered life. I'd never had a BFF, so when my brand new, first ever "best friend" invited me to spend the night with her and go to a party with her brother and some of his college friends, I was thrilled!  I was only a junior in high school, so I thought it was especially cool to be asked to hang out with college kids.

We even had "protection"... the protection of her mom and sister listening to the police radio (that they just happened to have.)  If they heard a dispatch go out for the location of the party, her mom was going to call us so we could get out before the police came. (Because she was such a responsible parent and everything.)  So, we went off to the party where I immediately felt totally out of place and uncomfortable and sat sipping a coke because I was too afraid of going crazy if I drank the demon rum.  

But even the best laid plans go awry.  My friend's mom heard the dispatch and tried to call us, but this was before the days of cell phones and the line was busy!  So, before you knew it, 15 minutes after our arrival and before we had imbibed any alcohol, we noticed flashing red lights outside.  Yikes! About the same time, her mom finally got through to us on the phone, but it was too late.

We did the only respectable thing possible... we hid in the closet.  Surely the police would not notice our legs in the shoes neatly lined up under the hanging clothes.  Guess they'd done this sort of thing before because they weren't fooled.  They also weren't impressed that we hadn't actually been drinking.  The long arm of the law snatched us up anyway.

We were all escorted into the paddywagon that waited outside:  

(Paddywagon circa 1909... compliments of wikipedia)


Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to jail we go...

Now, when you're a naive, shy sixteen-year-old, going to jail is just a tad bit upsetting.  We 
were in luck, though.  Because my friend and I were under 18, we weren't fingerprinted and got put in the "juvenile cell." This meant we had one wall that was painted pink and got to have a toilet seat.  Oh joy, oh rapture.  That made me feel a lot better.  There wasn't enough toilet paper on the roll to stem my copious tears.  And it didn't help any when a rather inebriated elderly woman in the cell next to us kept running her metal cup over the bars and shouting, "Matron, Matron, I'm having a miscarriage!"  Fun times!

Worse, because my friend's mom already knew we were in jail, her dad arrived first to retrieve her and her brother.  I was left in the juvenile cell to rot all by myself!  But nothing there could compare to what I was imagining would happen to me once my parents got their hands on me.

By the time they came to get me to tell me my dad was there to pick me up, I was a total basket case.  And then I walked out to meet him....  dum, da dum, dum!

He had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face I'd ever seen.  WTF?!?  


I dodged that bullet, but I knew the real danger lay at home... with my mom. And let's just say, I'm lucky to be here today.  Like Queen Victoria, she was not amused.



To be continued...


25 comments:

KC said...

Wow - an ex-con. I'm impressed (and a little jealous)

Scott Free said...

This is an amazing post. You need some tats, Cat Lady, you're too bad for your own good. :D
I suggest a heart with an arrow through it behind jail cells, right on your left kidney.

Maelstrom said...

If you'd been 18 I'd have asked if you got strip searched? But nevermind.

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

You are seriously bad ass! lol!

The Peach Tart said...

I can't wait to hear the next adventure

Aubs said...

^_^ The secrets out, eh?

Summer said...

You're adorable. I can't imagine your anxiety waiting for Mom and Dad. Whew!! BTW I can't get "Matron, Matron, I'm having a miscarriage!" out of my head.

Skye said...

What a story! The joy and rapture over the toilet seat really got to me :D

otin said...

Mom's are worse than any warden! haha!

Hit 40 said...

Ok...

I am a little disappointed. My friend, Medora, will back me up that I had 3 cop cars after me one night :-) All for just me!!

K a b l o o e y said...

Woo, quality parenting on the friend's mom front. And the holding cell had a pink wall? Magenta or baby pink?

Mnmom said...

You ex-con, you!!

Unknown Mami said...

Did you use the toilet?

CatLadyLarew said...

KC: It's how I impress all my friends and relatives.

Scotty: I suppose I could have gotten a jail tat from the old woman in the next cell.

Maelstrom: Strip-search? That certainly would have cheered me up.

Bird Shit & Baby Caca: Oh, yeah... I'm one bad ass bitch.

Peach Tart: The next installment will be coming in the next day or so... watch for it!

Aubs: Now, you already promised not to tell anyone else!

Summer: I still have nightmares of old women in jail cells... it was like something out of Scary Movie.

Skye: I'm easily impressed.

Otin: Yeah... my mom still has an evil eye that can stop a zombie in its tracks.

Hit 40: Okay, you've thrown down the gauntlet! I expect to see the story of you being chased by three cop cars in the next edition of WTF Wednesday! (Does Otin know about this?)

K a b l o o e y: It was a lovely, dingy, pastel pink... covered with grafitti and smears of substances that I don't care to identify.

Mnmom: That's me... jail bait.

Mami: I kept my legs crossed the entire time...If you were going to get a disease from a toilet seat, this would be the place.

Phillipia said...

You stopped just as it was getting good...like the end of the season cliff-hanger...

An ex-con in high school - cannot wait to hear about the college years:)

You are my new hero...

Jewel said...

Been there, done that...except for the being caught at the party part and the jail part...hmmm...got put out in the hall for talking in class once in second grade...um...kept a cat illegally in my dorm room for 8 months before getting caught...

Dang. I am a seriously dull person.

DreamChaser1998 said...

The punch fromthe pic of Ol' Queen Vic is priceless!! :D Thank you Thank you for following my blog! It's a work in progress and I appreciate you stopping by! Cheers!

CatLadyLarew said...

Phillipia: I'll go get my super hero cape... it has jail stripes.

Jewel: Talking in class? Illegal cats? You're almost as bad ass as I am!

Dream Chaser: I thought you'd appreciate dear old Victoria! We Anglophiles have to stick together!

Jen said...

Just found you and so glad I did. Can't wait to read the rest of the story.

Nanodance said...

You think you are a bad ass, but I don't see you petting kittens the wrong way. You don't even have any kittens.

Sincerely,

Sondra Stinglash

CatLadyLarew said...

Jen... Welcome to the party... I'm always looking for more friends to share the juvenile cell!

CatLadyLarew said...

Dear Ms. Stinglash,

Yeah, well some people think I'm a bad ass & I have TOO pet a kitten the wrong way... haven't you seen my scars? How do you know that's not the REAL reason I don't have kittens?

Sincerely, BACLL

P.S. If you're not doing anything Saturday night, maybe I could stop over and we could go out together to look for kittens to rub the wrong way. Thunder Sloth could go too.

Don't Be a Slut said...

Great story...eager to hear part two.

CatLadyLarew said...

Not a Slut... you're in luck! Part 2 is up today!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Wow! Totally racing over to part 2 now....

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