Saturday, September 12, 2009

Getting My Day in Court Class


When last we met, I was regaling you with tales of my incarceration at the tender age of 16.

Yes, it was a miserable night, made even more miserable by the lecture I got from my mom as my dad stood by trying to look stern. At the time, all I wanted to do was to crawl into bed and forget about the whole thing. No such luck. Mom was not about to let me off so easy. There were the suspicious looks and disappointed sighs for some time afterward. However, things did improve eventually.

Our little band of misfits had to go to court the morning following the big bust, which was a little nerve wracking. During our appearance before the judge, we were sentenced to "Court Class" which, if completed successfully, would wipe our records clean.

Court Class was a reality check type of program, designed to deter alcohol consumption in teens. Basically, we had to get up and go to court at 8:00 on Saturday mornings for six weeks and watch them haul in the drunks from the night before. The idea was that we'd be so horrified by the ravages of alcoholism being paraded before us that we'd never drink again. This kind of backfired, though, because the judge was an old guy who cracked jokes the entire time. So rather than being horrifying, it was kinda like watching an episode of Night Court.


There were 15 of us that got arrested together, so we filled up an entire bench in court. We started calling it the "Group W" bench and we were all sittin' around, laughin' and havin' a good time talkin' about crime & mother stabbing & father raping and all kinds of groovy things. (Sorry... just a little Alice's Restaurant digression there.) Then afterward we'd go out for lunch at the Best Steak House. My parents even gave me money for lunch. I still remember they made the best Texas Toast there!


That was all great fun, I have to admit. But what made this whole Saturday morning routine particularly satisfying for me, was the fact that in the Larew household Saturday mornings were devoted to cleaning the house and doing laundry. No one was exempt from the Saturday chores... that was unheard of up until this point. And if you know me at all, you know how much I detest housework of any kind. But, since I was busy paying my debt to society I was excused from household drudgery for six glorious weeks.


And that's not all... There were lots of badass boys at my high school who prided themselves on going out drinking every weekend and spending time in jail... but none of them had ever been thrown in a paddywagon before! To them, being thrown in a paddywagon was the ultimate badass thing do do. They were really, really impressed and almost jealous. Go figure! We were the talk of the school for about a week.



So, I have to confess, overall the experience turned out to be quite positive. Not in a scared straight sort of way, but in a "Wow, I actually ended up having a great time and impressed some kids at school" kind of way.

I'm such a badass!



26 comments:

Skye said...

ROFL just what the judge ordered! You got the exact opposite of what was intended, priceless :D

By the way, I always enjoyed Night Court!

JD at I Do Things said...

Geez, you ARE a badass.

I can't believe, with all the crap I pulled in high school, I NEVER got in this kind of trouble. JAIL? For a party? Man. The worst that ever happened to me was getting caught shoplifting and having to tell my parents.

(Loved the Texas Toast comment!)

Madame DeFarge said...

Shocking admission! I was never in trouble at school, so I'd have been impressed by you. Especially the bit about getting out of chores and being given lunch money too. I think that qualifies you as a criminal mastermind.

PS - will do the Honest Scrap, but been outstandingly and surprisingly busy recently,

Scott Free said...

You are, Cat Lady, you are. Let's hope in the future if you go to jail again, it'll be at least half as positive. :D

CatLadyLarew said...

Skye: I wonder if they have Night Court on Netflix? It would bring back such memories!

JD: I'm totally jinxed... if I do anything even remotely untoward, I get caught! Story of my life! (The Texas Toast was awesome... garlicky and crispy on the surface!)

MME DeFarge: A criminal mastermind... that's me! I'll do anything to get out of cleaning the house!

Scotty: I always try to turn that frown upside down!

IndigoWrath said...

Man, I never knew I mixed in such ROUGH company...

CatLadyLarew said...

Indy: You need me to mess anybody up for you? Just askin'... since I'm a badass and all.

Ann's Rants said...

Talk about creative sentencing...that sounds like a ball.

Sign me up!

(no, really, don't, actually)

Unknown Mami said...

Almost makes you want to get arrested.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Jail is unacceptable because there are no cats there.

CatLadyLarew said...

Ann: Yeah, as fun as it was, I still try to avoid incarceration. Just doesn't look that good on your resume.

Mami... Almost...

Laoch... No, no, no... cats are unnecessary to a CatLady's happiness! Now if they banned dogs... that would be a deal breaker.

subtorp77 said...

HA! So much for reverse psychology! And fantastic references. You're linked up on me other bloggo, kiddo ;)

Pearl said...

Very funny!

Loved the Alice's Restaurant reference. :-)

Pearl

Collette said...

Better to be underage & hanging out with the older kids! You don't get arrested & you look cool to the kids in school! LOL

CatLadyLarew said...

Subtorp: Thanks for linking me up!

Pearl: Gotta love Arlo!

Collete: Hanging out with the college kids did give us some cachet.

Hit 40 said...

My son also enjoyed his in school suspension last year. He got a cute young sub all to himself for a whole day in a comfy conference room.

....getting outta chores rocks. I can not believe that your mom did not try to make you do them another day.

Sweet Violet said...

Heheheee...methinks you and I may be cut from the same cloth!

You left a question on http://svcooks.blogspot.com/ regarding salmonella in eggs. I left you this response:

Here are a couple of websites that explain it better than I can...

http://www.foodsafetyworkinggroup.gov/FSWG_Fact_Sheet.pdf

"Unlike eggborne salmonellosis of past decades, the current epidemic is due to intact and disinfected grade A eggs. Salmonella enteritidis silently infects the ovaries of healthy appearing hens and contaminates the eggs before the shells are formed." http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dbmd/diseaseinfo/salment_g.htm#How%20Eggs%20Become%20Contaminated

The problem is an epidemic of salmonella that actually infects the ovaries of laying hens, but the epidemic is not world wide. Since I am in South Africa and my readers are international, I thought it was important to note that only Americans need be concerned about salmonella.

I like your blog. I'll be back!

ettarose said...

Reminds me of the breakfast club. I was in jail once. Sucked BIG time.

CatLadyLarew said...

Hit 40: My mom had a schedule... Saturday was cleaning day and that was that! (I've never gotten detention, so your son's ahead of me on that one... the conference room sounds a tad bit more elegant than jail.)

Sweet Violet: Great minds think alike. Thanks for the salmonella info... sorta makes eggs seem a tad bit less attractive.

ettarose: Oh, do tell! Was it for a good cause.... like civil disobedience or something? You wild and crazy woman, you! This post is bringing out several surprises!

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

You are totally bad ass!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Well, my goodness. This didn't teach you a lesson at all! No wonder you're such a drunken mess today!

:D

(I was kidding, you're not a drunken mess, are you? Cuz that would be awkward. Not to mention typical of my foot-in-mouth disease.)

CatLadyLarew said...

Bird Shit and Baby Caca: Totally... not!

NGIP: Ah, the lessons of life that have gone unlearned... NO one has a case of foot-in-mouth disease as serious as mine!

Eric said...

Do they actually *have* paddywagons? The only ones I've ever seen were as a kid watching Mickey Mouse animations.

CatLadyLarew said...

Eric: As a matter of fact, they do... perfect for large parties! Larew... paddywagon for 15?

Canadian Blend said...

I didn't manage to get arrested until I was in my 20s. It was in Missouri while I was on vacation. Rather than stick around for court -- which was 3 days away -- my buddy and I continued on our trip to Colorado/Vegas/California. On the return trip to Ohio we took a more northerly route and avoided Missouri altogether.

CatLadyLarew said...

CB: I suppose there's still a warrant out for you in Missouri... No wonder you looked for a Canadian Gal!

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