Sunday, February 16, 2014

On the Road with 30M2DoW: Episode 16

Shakespearean English

As I'm on the road looking for a new place to hide out from Nicky, today's installment of On the Road with 30M2DoW is being brought to you by none other than Vlad... my progeny.  Enjoy!  (I know I did.)

As we were preparing to cross the border, I began to make small talk with Bud.  “So, what brought you all the way up here?”

“Well, I’ll tell you…these Canadians…always trying to act proper…like they invented the English language or somethin’!  I tell ya!  Us Boomer folk have had an axe to grind with them ever since the war of 1812.”

He continued, “My great great great great grandfather was killed while serving in the New York Militia defending Grand Island.”

I inquired, “So what, are you going to declare a one man war on Canada or something?”

“I tried that back in 1995, but both Clinton and Pataki said I didn’t have the authority! They didn’t know what they were talkin’ about!  I was the highest ranking Law Enforcement Officer in Niagara County!  But I’ve done one better this time!—I’ve sabotaged their Shakespearean English!”

Bud was starting to come across as rather strange by now, yet I was intrigued to find out more.  “What do you mean?”

“I made it back to Toronto to settle one last score.  This time with Maple Leaf Inc., the largest publisher of Canadian materials…always spelling words all messed up…like fav-OUR, col-OUR, you hear?”

“Yes, that is the way they spell in Shakespearean English”

“Well I infiltrated their corporate building, hacked into their network and performed a spell check on every single file they had…with an American version of Microsoft Word that I was able to download onto the server!”

“That will definitely make things hard for them!”

“And without their Shakespearean English, they will be so demoralized!”

The topic quickly changed to something insignificant and I thought it to be nothing more than the crazy ramblings of a conspiracy-theorist type.  We crossed into the States without incident and before I knew it, Bud was pulling into a rest stop.

“I gotta check on my load, I’ll be right back!”

Fifteen minutes went by, so being curious to see what Bud was doing, I proceeded to the rear of the truck, where I found him rummaging through one of many boxes with maple leafs printed on the front of them.  Bud turned to me “Check this out”.  He chucked a paperback at me.  Not thinking fast enough, it bounced off me and landed on the ground, so I picked it up.

The title read “A Lot To Do About Not Very Much”.

To be continued....

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Head on over to Nicky's place to see who's actually writing their own post today and I'll catch up with you all tomorrow!
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