Saturday, January 9, 2010

"So... They Toss the Place About a Bit?"

I've always been a bit of a clutter hound.  It hasn't gotten bad enough yet to win me a guest appearance on "Hoarders" but some days I look around and think that day won't be far off.   It's one of my signature cat lady characteristics.  (Minus the cats, of course.)

My house has looked this way, pretty much since we moved in.  In fact, shortly after we bought the house, we had a break-in while we were at work.  The thieves only stole some spare change out of the bedside stand.  I think they were probably having a hard time finding anything else of value in all the clutter.  Living with clutter is a great way to stymie thieves.   


 (Sorry Blair whoever you are... this picture was just too perfect... I had to use it.)

Anyway, the police came and looked around the house to file their report.  At one point, one of the officers looked back and forth and said, "So... they toss the place about a bit?"

Uh... yeaaahhhh...  THAT's what happened!  We would never leave our home this messy otherwise!  Geesh!  You'd think that would be a wake up call!   But, no.  We were undeterred in our quest for clutter supremacy.

Now, I chose my spouse precisely because he came from a home where clutter was king.  Let's just say his father was a bit "eccentric" and collected stuff.  He had his own set up for collecting, including a step stool stored in the trunk of his car, a trouble light, and some of those extending grabber things to extract stuff from dumpsters.  (I think he may have been the original dumpster diver.)



You name it, they had it... from old grocery store display racks, to a dentist's chair, to the entire phone system that was discarded from a local hospital.  They even built a warehouse out behind their house to store all the stuff that overflowed the house.  At one point, my in out-laws didn't sleep in their bed for four years because there wasn't enough room to get to it.  Seriously!  My father-out-law, bless his heart, has slept in a recliner for the past 25 years!

Later on, my spouse had some sort of a religious awakening or something and suddenly became a neat freak... on his own side of the room.  Suddenly, I was the sole cause of the chaos.  (He's also the one who turned me on to Dr Pepper and then later chastised me for becoming a Pepper fiend.)  From that day on, our marriage was doomed.  Well, that and a few other things led to its demise. 

But, you know... it did my heart some good when my son came home giggling the other day because he noticed his dad's new wife throws her crap all over on her side of the bed.  Poetic justice at its finest!

(Oh, yeah... they're keeping a special place for me in hell!)

37 comments:

Quirkyloon said...

Your "father-out-law?"

I love it!

And no way, no how you goin' to hell. Us Peppers have a special cloud in heaven waiting just for us!

If I get there first, I'll save you a spot next to me, k?

Hee hee

CatLadyLarew said...

OOOH! Save me a spot, Quirky! We'll have so much fun drinking DP & DDP and watching all the poor slobs down below us!

Brian Miller said...

lol. and i imgiane it will be a tad warmer than it is outside right now. smiles.

gayle said...

Poetic justice!! Love it!! You are so going to heaven!!

Phillipia said...

I love this post - as I am a clutter monger myself...

But you saved the best for last...I'll be right there with ya CLL.

AngelMay said...

I'm a REAL cat-lady (with a cat). But I'm one of those people who tosses stuff out and gives stuff away. I've been in a period of my life recently when I've been unloading stuff. You know....STUFF. People just have way more STUFF than they really need. From my point of view, all that STUFF needs organizing and dusting and storing or washing or something. Much easier if it just isn't there in the first place. Did I also mention that I'm lazy? Heh.

ReformingGeek said...

I don't have a high tolerance for clutter. I'm better off if i don't collect anything. My mom can't believe I'm her daughter sometimes.

I like it that the ex's wife throws her stuff around. Hee hee.

otin said...

So, cat lady, what you are saying is that your house is one big assed litter box! hahaha!

I am fairly neat when it comes to putting things in their place, but as far as mopping and dusting go, I am slack!

MA Fat Woman said...

Funny!

The Mistress said...

I'm a Minimalist, so you'd probably go crazy in my oh-so-empty home! Oh, and Dr. Pepper? There's nothing like the burn of it as it hits my throat first thing in the morning! Ah... Dr. Pepper, in the morning, noon and night:)

The Queen said...

I am a founding member of the UNITED DUMPSTER DIVERS OF AMERICA...and... had a neat freak next to me... so I love this post..

CatLadyLarew said...

Brian: Much warmer, to be sure!

gayle: But I would miss all my friends.

Phillipia: It is so on!

AngelMay: I don't know why I cling to so much stuff... like I'm ever going to use half of it again.

Reffie: I want you to know though, that I didn't pry... Vlad just volunteered that information.

Otin: Yep, one big litter box... although it doesn't smell as bad as a litter box! I'd burn the place down if it did.

MA Fat Woman: Why, thank you.

Mistress: My motto: "A drink and a bite to eat at 10, 2 and 4!"

Your Majesty: Then you'd love my father-out-law!

Me-Me King said...

The ideal situation for me would be that any thieves brave enough to enter my clutter-dom who would take pity and actually clean the place up before they left.

Paula Wooters, UPK Teacher said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nonamedufus said...

I'm not a Cat Lady but I've got 2 cats. Nothing I do gets rid of THEM. Any hints? Do you think they'd get the hint if I stopped feeding them?

IndigoWrath said...

Hey CatLady! *stands and checks his notes* Hi, my name is Indigo, and I like things to be tidy. Not neat necessarily, but under control. I live in a single room; it's essential. Now, please excuse me, I've just eaten and I hafta go wash the dishes and iron creases into my jeans. Indigo

IndigoWrath said...

Hey, who's that crazy-looking teacher?!

Pearl said...

1. I love Hoarders, but don't want to see you on it!
2. I love poetic justice. :-) hee hee!

Pearl

KaLynn said...

Poetic justice is just grand!!! Got a little somethin' for you over at my place! Stop by when you get a chance!

Mama Zen said...

"They toss the place about a bit?"

Oh, that is priceless!

Eternally Distracted said...

I love the fact that a messy house makes it burglar-free (kind of)...unfortunately my OCD INSISTS I clean, but I will lock my belongings up more carefully, just in case!

CatLadyLarew said...

Me-Me: You just gave me a great idea... maybe I'll just put up a sign in my front yard that says "Free Sale" Everything must go!

Dufus: I have two words for you... Big Dog!

Indigo: I worry about you... creases in your jeans? Please!
But wait... what's this about a crazy teacher? Did I forget and log in as my alter ego again?

Pearl: I'm actually afraid to watch Hoarders... it might hit too close to home!

KaLynn: I adore poetic justice... it cheers me up every time!
OOOH! Look at the pretty over at your house that you gave to me!

Mama Zen: It was one of my finer moments... I was so proud! (And I didn't even have to make that up... he really said that!)

ED: I just like to mess with the burglars. It's so much fun to watch them get all frustrated!

Lyn said...

I am at one with my hoarderness. Yeah I know it's not a word but it still sounds cool to me. I come from a long line of pack rats. And the picture is awesome. I think I have that same skull. :)

Secretia said...

You can do whatever makes you comfortable. Organized clutter is calming!

Secretia

CatLadyLarew said...

Lyn: "I am at one with my hoarderness." Perfect! It will be my new mantra when I meditate!

Secretia: Perhaps I'm a bit too comfortable? But it is organized... when I clean I lose things.

Jen said...

I had a dentist's chair. Finally got rid of it when I moved here. I can't wait to see that new show Pickers (though honestly they could have come up with a better name, I can't get the image of nose picking out of my mind whenever I see the commercials).

Nina P. said...

Hi, my name is Nina and I'm a clutterhaulic.
Though I can walk easily through my home, it shows clear signs of clutterdom. I have gotten better, but as with a lot of life... it's a work in progress. Love and Light, Nina P

Jayne Martin said...

My battle with the clutter continues. Been keeping the kitchen table pretty clear, but I'm finding that I'm now just throwing the crap I used to throw there onto other surfaces. It's a curse.

CatLadyLarew said...

Jen: Now you've got me thinking about people picking their noses... thanks, Jen!

Nina: My entire life is a work in progress!

Jayne: I can never have my entire house clean at once because when I clean I simply shift the crap from one room to another!

Maelstrom said...

Sleeping in a recliner's not too bad. I had to do it for a bit when this sketchy disc in my neck was acting up and I was wearing a brace at night.

frigginloon said...

See, this explains the whole reason why you don't have a cat. Cats hate clutter. Hmm, OK they hate just about everything but clutter is up there !!!!

CatLadyLarew said...

Maelstrom: Now THAT sounds like a fun time. Hope you're feeling better by now!

frigginloon: Why go to the bother of feeding a creature who would just hate you anyway?

Kim said...

I'm a bit of a hoarder myself. I know they say to throw something out if you haven't used it in over a year, but I just can't bring myself to throw out something that's still perfectly good. Seems like such a waste.

CatLadyLarew said...

Kim: I know exactly what you mean... surely I'll use this stuff again SOME day!

Corrie Howe said...

I'm a Pepper fiend...but I'm a Diet Dr. Pepper cherry flavor fiend.

I can't believe your FIL slept in the recliner for 25 years.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I've always been a collector and collecting makes you a clutter freak. But I like it.

Enjoy your new room in hell! ;)

jules said...

Maybe the ex's father could have been on Hoarders. Sounds like your only ready for the minors. Clean House style. Ha ha. (Just kidding you of course!)

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