Country Living at its Finest

Enough of the downside of kitty litter and chicken shit. I actually had a lovely, relaxing week in the country. Here's a photo montage for your enjoyment...

Taking a closer look...

I had to speak very s...l...o...w...l...y so the dogs would understand.
But they still didn't come when called.

Here's Hickory the Wonder Dog relaxing with his best friend, Sadie.

Enjoying the glorious colors of fall in
Upstate New York!



That's not a chicken coop you see in the distance...

It's a Chicken Chalet!

Inhabited by none other than Mr. Good Strut
and his harem of beauties,
his bevy of bantams.

(Vlad & I helped Shamra build the Chicken Chalet along with another friend, Tom, who designed it. It's a straw bale construction... for those of you who find that kind of thing interesting.)

Here's Strut at his finest:

Okay, so I don't know how to hold the camera upright, but you get the idea... Strut is very convincing as the ruler of the roost!

In addition to the Chicken Chalet in the meadow, there are bees.



They are very busy bees.... as you can see and hear...





There's also the pond... which makes for a very happy Wonder Dog!




(And a very UNhappy Sadie, who loathes water and considers Hickory an unruly lout when he shakes near her following a dip in the pond.)





So, as you can see, it was a relaxing interlude.
(For an even closer look, just click on any of the pictures.)

Tomorrow I'll introduce you to Sparky the Wonder Cat and give you a tour of the Faerie Gardens. Until then...

Why Do I Smell Like Kitty Litter and Chicken Shit?

I've been a bit lax in my blog reading this past week and I apologize if I've caused you to feel unloved and neglected. But I have a good reason... I've been up to my elbows in kitty litter and chicken shit. Yes, the Catless CatLady has been off taking care of cats, chickens, dogs, fish, birds and one rooster. And I have the personal aroma to prove it.

You see, twice a year, my dear friend Shamra and her husband go to visit their grandchildren in California and I move into their house for a week to take care of their menagerie. (Apparently a good chicken sitter is hard to find these days.)

It's a relatively simple job and there are many amenities out in the country... like the woods and the pond and the meadow and a well-stocked refrigerator full of Dr. Pepper & beer, and a cozy fireplace and peace and quiet. It's not too taxing to feed the animals and bring in the mail. I can handle that. And I don't even mind picking up the chicken shit in the hen house... also known lovingly as "The Chicken Chalet". The only difficult part is minding the kitty litter.

I don't know what it is about kitty litter... I hate it with a passion. Which is why this cat lady doesn't actually own a cat. Black construction paper kitty cut outs in the windows do me just fine, thank you very much. And I just don't go into the whole nocturnal kitty romp thing. Nocturnal romps of other types are fun, but there's just something about being awakened continuously by the sound of kitty scratchings and collar jingles and a cat trying to eat my hair that I find annoying. Plus, the kitties' antics keep the dogs awake and make them think it's time to go outside to play, so then they nudge me in the face until I get up and let them out. Then I have to stay awake long enough to let them back in. (Worse, they decide to wander off and I have to put on shoes and a sweatshirt and go look for them. Three a.m. is NOT a good time for them to decide to visit the neighbors.) It's a vicious cycle.

But back to the kitty litter... it's not the delightful scent of cat shit, but the floral cover-up scent that they add to the kitty that gags me. And not only that... whenever you scoop out the poop or the cats scratch and toss the litter about, the kitty litter dust permeates the air. I must have a super sensitive sense of smell, because the scent follows me throughout the house. Blech! How do people stand this on a regular basis? Give me good old fashioned dog shit any day. It almost makes me long for "let's take a crap on the living room floor" Jasper.

So, why do I expose myself to kitty litter and chicken shit? Because it's for Shamra, who will always take Hickory the Wonder Dog at a moment's notice and for long periods of time so I can go off on grand and glorious adventures. She adores Hickory, that big slobbering lug of a dog, who drips pond water all over her house and adds his own aroma to the mix. And he feels very much at home there, so I can leave town without guilt. As much as I like to moan and groan about it, I'm still happy to take care of her critters.

Friday night I finally made it home to sleep in my own bed. And it was heavenly! I feel much more rested and alert now. The other bonus to being back in the CatLady's house is that I once again have internet service for my laptop! Out in the country they had no wireless connection to tap into. ACK! As a newly confirmed blogaddict, I was starting to twitch from blog withdrawl. I was driving 50 miles a day just to zoom back into town to post my Halloween stories and then zoom back out to the country before all the animals started messing around and wearing lampshades on their heads.

So that explains why I may have appeared to have gone missing recently. Tune in tomorrow for the photo array of the menagerie... plus some fall color action from my sojourn in the country last week.

The Worms Crawl In...

Tonight is Halloween!

Hope you've all enjoyed your week at the Halloween Humor Carnival over at Humor Bloggers Dot Com. I know I've had a grand time, reading chilling stories, getting ideas for new costumes, giggling over the week's caption contests and spurting hot apple cider out my nose with each guffaw.

And so, my dear departed readers, I leave you with this childhood classic....

The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out
And some play pinochle on your snout.
Your stomach turns to sickening green
Your guts flow out like whipping cream
Your eyes pop out, your teeth decay
And that's the end of a perfect day...


(It's precisely because of this ditty that I decided as a child to be cremated.)


Be sure to tune in next month as the Humor Bloggers respond to the fight against injustice with

A Halloween Treat for the Kids

Obesity in children has become a national disgrace. So I decided to jump on the bandwagon and become proactive in the fight to reduce the amount of sugar in our kids' diets. Because I care.

As my first step toward eradicating obesity in children, I've established a moratorium on giving out candy this Halloween. Instead, I'm giving out DVD's of this instructional video to all the kids in my neighborhood. I'm sure they'll find it a much healthier treat.

Have a safe trip to Jamaica!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Halloween Costumes

Enough of the scary stories already... I haven't slept a wink since I wrote my last two posts and I really need a good night's sleep. So I'm switching over to the topic of "Halloween Costumes" for today's Humor Bloggers Dot Com Halloween Humor Carnival entry. Not that the last two posts weren't humorous or anything... Geesh! Get with the program, CatLady!

Anyway, you may have heard me talk about Vlad when he was little and his propensity for being a train engineer for Halloween every year. That lasted until he was six. An easy fix for the costume... take what he wore every day and add a red bandana.

Then he actually went as a spider when he was 7... still not too taxing on my skills with haute couture. Buy a set of black sweats and sew on some cheesy fabric legs. No sweat!

However, the next year, he discovered the mysteries of locks and keys. This interest almost landed me in Mommy Jail, but I managed to escape being handcuffed to the bed before the Child Protective Services folks arrived to take me away for neglect. Hey, how did you expect me to watch the child while I was restrained?

So imagine my chagrin when Vlad informed me that he wanted to be a Master padlock for Halloween. Say, what? Hmmm..... this one was going to take some more work. He insisted on having a dial that turned and a hasp that opened. Good luck with that, little buddy!

But being a good mother, I persevered and I must say, the final result was a winner.....


Sadly, I couldn't get Vlad to model it for me in time for this post. Dang! Clever, though, wouldn't you say? Vlad helped writing in the numbers and the word "Master". Surprisingly, nobody else at school showed up in a padlock outfit that year, so it was a real hit!

Take that, stupid Power Rangers, witches and princesses! My kid's a padlock!

Now, go visit Humor Bloggers Dot Com to see who else has your Halloween funny today!

Defying "The Claw"....

You may remember this old urban legend from the 1950's, as recounted on the website http://urbanlegends.about.com....

A teenage boy drove his date to a dark and deserted Lovers' Lane for a make-out session. After turning on the radio for mood music, he leaned over and began kissing the girl.

A short while later, the music suddenly stopped and an announcer's voice came on, warning in an urgent tone that a convicted murderer had just escaped from the state insane asylum — which happened to be located not far from Lovers' Lane — and that anyone who noticed a strange man lurking about with a hook in place of his right hand should immediately report his whereabouts to the police.

The girl became frightened and asked to be taken home. The boy, feeling bold, locked all the doors instead and, assuring his date they would be safe, attempted to kiss her again. She became frantic and pushed him away, insisting that they leave. Relenting, the boy peevishly jerked the car into gear and spun its wheels as he pulled out of the parking space.

When they arrived at the girl's house she got out of the car, and, reaching to close the door, began to scream uncontrollably. The boy ran to her side to see what was wrong and there, dangling from the door handle, was a bloody hook.

Well, at least when I was in high school, these kinds of stories were still being told. And we took full advantage of them, creeping ourselves out and then laughing hysterically.

Now, at our local amusement park there was a merry-go-round that had a chicken you could ride on that had big, nasty looking claws. I know... chickens instead of horses on a merry-go-round is a stupid idea, but that's what it was! To be fair, they also had a deer with antlers and a goat. Hey, it was Iowa for god's sake! Can I help where I was born?

(Image from Carousels USA, San Antonio Roller Works)

Anyway, as teenagers we started changing around the infamous "hook" story to incorporate "The Claw" as inspired by the merry-go-round chicken. (Yeah, we had lots of time on our hands.) We made up one story in which "The Claw" lived in a local cemetery and lurked in a tree to surprise unsuspecting mourners who sat on a bench beneath it. Those who sat there risked having their eyes gouged out and their throats slit by the clawed hand that would come sweeping down out of the tree.

So one summer night, a friend and I were out for a drive in the country in his mom's 1968 Mustang convertible. We had the bright idea to go to one of those little country cemeteries where we would "defy the claw" by sitting on a bench under an old gnarly oak tree. To further create the ambiance we were looking for, we had waited until it was a new moon so that it would be totally dark.

We backed into the cemetery lane for a quick get-a-way. We turned the engine off, killed the lights and took the keys with us... wouldn't want anyone sneaking up and stealing the keys while we were away from the car, after all! The rule was you couldn't resort to using a flashlight because that would be cheating. Cautiously, and giggling hysterically, we crept past the tombstones to reach the bench. We had previously determined we would have to sit there for at least 15 minutes for it to count as having "defied the claw." We sat down, but we dared not look up into the overhanging branches of the tree.

Just as we were getting settled down from our giggling fit, we heard something...

A loud shout and a scream came from the back of the cemetery! We screamed in return and leaped off the bench, pushing each other out of the way to be the first back into the car. Luckily we had the top down, so no time was wasted opening doors. As the engine roared to life, lights came on behind us and another car roared into action! We peeled out of the cemetery as fast as the car would go, our hearts beating wildly and our eyes streaming with tears as we laughed uncontrollably...

Turns out we weren't the only ones "defying The Claw" at the cemetery that night. And I'll bet we weren't the last either!

The Visitor

When people think of Halloween, they think of pumpkins and costumes and candy and hay rides and monsters. Cemeteries provide the backdrop for stories of the undead. Mad slasher movies delight teens. The supernatural provides thrills and chills for many. Tales of mysterious occurrences abound as people try to scare each other and themselves. With that in mind, I share this true story with you. Creepy? Maybe. You decide.

The Visitor...

It was one of those days. I had been dragging for a week, but hated staying home from school. My life revolved around the social interactions that went on within the environs of my junior high school. Besides, at our house you didn't stay home from school unless you had a temperature and were actually puking. No slackers allowed in our family. So this was no ruse just to get to stay home and watch Dark Shadows. My mother took one look at me and declared there would be no school for me that day. I was laid low with the flu. I was officially sick. She took my temperature, dosed me with aspirin and a cup of Constant Comment tea and went off to work. Mom was not one to hang around and coddle us unnecessarily.

After a short stint worshiping at the porcelain throne, I went back to bed, delirious and shivering as the sweat poured off of me. Finally I succumbed to the fevered ministrations of Morpheus. Wild dreams made me toss and turn as I slept.

Sometime around mid-day I awoke, drowsy and confused. My eyelids fluttered open and I looked up to see someone standing over me. Concentrating as hard as I could, I made out the features of my brother. He didn't way a word, but just stared down at me. In my delirium, I opened and closed my eyes several times, asking what he was doing home in the middle of the day. He didn't move, but continued to stand there silently, simply observing me. Finally I gave up trying to make conversation, called him a jerk under my breath, rolled over and went back to sleep.

Nobody else disturbed me until dinner time, when my mother came up to see if I felt like eating anything. After putting in my order for a bowl of chicken noodle soup, I asked about my brother. He was known for skipping school occasionally and I was angry with him for trying to creep me out while I was sick. I had no qualms about squealing on him for skipping school. I knew Mom would go to any lengths to get at the bottom of this latest mystery and then he would get what was coming to him.

A few phone calls later, my mother returned with my soup to inform me that my brother had actually been at school all day long. My mind must have been playing tricks on me. Case closed.

Or so we thought... until a few days later when we made an eerie discovery. Our home had been broken into... as indicated by several missing items. The most obvious evidence left behind was the remains of a plastic bank that belonged to my little sister. It was in the shape of a rabbit and the head had been roughly sawed off with a knife to empty it of the coins inside. A steak knife lay next to slivers of pink plastic.

Was the knife-wielding burglar the same person I saw standing over me? What might have happened had I not been incoherent with fever? Who's to know? We never found out. But our view of the world changed after that. For the first time, we started locking our doors even when we were all home together during the day. The world had suddenly become a more dangerous place, full of things that go bump in the night... and day.

The Monster!

It's Halloween Carnival Week at HBDC!

Just to set the tone for the week, I'd like to share this blast from the past...




This was the theme song for the Creature Feature that we watched every Saturday night when we were kids... Good times! Good times!

So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show over at HBDC!

I'll be back with more Halloween fun tomorrow!

Sundays in My City... With the Li’l People

As some of you may recall, the Li’l People came to me from Jules over at Mean Girl Garage. I won her drawing about a month back and my prize was the Li’l People. They arrived in fine shape. Hickory was a little suspicious at first so being the responsible person I am, I had him sniff the box for explosives and/or drugs before opening it.

Once the Wonder Dog gave the “all clear” signal, we unpacked the little people. They were all there: the fat kid, the cowboy, Kanye West, the train engineer, the old hag, the dog, and comb over guy. They’ve spent the last couple of weeks exploring the CatLady’s house. Then last Sunday dawned sunny, crisp and cool. Perfect for exploring the environs of Rochester.

So Vlad and I decided to take the Li’l People for a walk at the Thousand Acre Swamp. Or rather, Vlad and I were going for a walk and I insisted on taking the Li’l People with us, much to his chagrin.



The Thousand Acre Swamp is run by The Nature Conservancy. As such it is a preserve, so no domesticated animals are allowed. There are plenty of animals there already... deer, raccoons, herons, coyotes, snakes, etc. We felt slightly guilty because we had to sneak the Li’l Dog in with us. (Although, we first made him promise not to chase the deer.)

The Li’l People helped us sign in... so the authorities knew whether to go rescue us if we didn’t return by dark.

Then it was off to hit the trails.



We set off down the path. The leaves were plentiful on the ground, so we had to keep a close watch on the Li’l People to avoid stepping on them.









At the end of the long lane, we came to the boardwalk that winds through the swamp proper. The Li’l People enjoyed watching the multitude of birds that live at the swamp and kept their eyes peeled for frogs, fish & snakes in the water.





Mostly we just saw leaves in the water.








Soon after, the boardwalk wends it’s way through the cattails. They’ve not yet exploded into fluff, but are still in the process of drying out. Soon, though, soon! If you’ve never played with a cattail just as it’s about to release its seeds, you haven’t lived. If you get them just at the right time, you can run your fingertip along the brown, velvety section, which in turn creates a sudden burst of light, fluffy seeds. The air around you soon becomes a storm of flying fluff, which sneaks up your nose when you breathe in and causes you to sneeze. Good times! Good times!



Coming to the end of the boardwalk, you enter the woods. Beneath the canopy of trees, there are decaying stumps and logs, ripe with green moss and ferns.

We stopped for several photo ops, which totally embarrassed Vlad as he was worried someone would come by and see us.



Not so nervous, though, that he wouldn’t let Kanye stand guard while he took a leak.


"Vlad, I'm really happy for you and Ima let you finish, but I just wanna say, Niagara Falls has the most impressive fluid output of all time!" *

*Thanks to Nanodance for improving this line!







From there we entered a section of the woods that was filled with creepy looking vines... perfect for getting into the Halloween spirit. You certainly wouldn’t want to spend much time thinking about what it would be like, fumbling around in the dark in this particular place with zombies after you! Be afraid! Be very afraid!







But eventually, the undergrowth thinned out. We found a couple of cool old trees that had great hide-out potential. The Li’l People asked if they could spend the night, but we had to remind them about dogs not being allowed in the park in the first place. We decided to move on.


Vlad found a tree that had grown over a fallen log... which had since disintegrated. Made for a fun photo op.










Finally, though, it was time to head back through the woods toward home. A good time was had by all and since no one observed our photo shoots with the Li’l People, Vlad is still speaking to me. I’ll just have to work a little harder next time in my attempt to humiliate him in public.




Until next time.....

Please consider supporting the Nature Conservancy!

Disclaimer: No Li’l People were harmed or lost during the making of this post.

Oh, Shit!

It's Friday again! This weekend finds me out in the country, taking care of a friend's animals. It makes me happy to spend a week in seclusion. I get to go for walks in the woods & meadow, enjoy a warm fire in the wood stove, watch the birds migrate. And Wednesday was the great ladybug migration out there! One day each year, the lady bugs swarm. It's an amazing sight.


There were only a few ladybugs left when I got out to the country, but still more than usual and fun to see.

Things have been very slow in the job hunting department. But, at least today I was granted an interview. That made me so happy, I took a shower and wore girl clothes and everything! I was absolutely thrilled to be half-way through the interview without crying, laughing inappropriately or barfing. In fact, I was so comfortable with my new found friends that I relaxed a smidgen and crossed my legs. Oh, yeah... I'm cool, calm and collected.

That's when I saw the big splotch of bright white bird shit on my black shoe. Smooth!

Oh well... it was only for a part time job, anyway. *sigh* I may not have come out smelling like a rose, but at least I didn't smell like dog shit. And that makes me happy.

Have a Happy Weekend!