Sunday, November 8, 2009

Battling Soft Drink Injustice

It's no secret that certain bloggers out there (who you know and love) have a penchant for that wonderful elixir, Dr Pepper. (Myself and Quirky being amongst the most prolific in shouting the praises of our chosen addiction.) Have you ever noticed how much Quirky looks like the Dr Pepper guy...



Dr Pepper is an acquired taste, much like crystal meth or heroine. It's not for the faint of heart. Only truly BadAss Bloggers delve into the mysteries of The Doctor. To this day, the exact ingredients remain a mystery, locked within a steel vault somewhere deep in the heart of Texas.


But, with all addiction comes pain. Not the least of which is withdrawl when our lifeblood is withheld from us. Which leads me to today's HBDC Anti Injustice Rant...


I'm here today to ask you to join me in protesting against

Dr Pepper shortages in the airline industry.


How do they expect those of us with addiction issues to maintain a cool, level head during flight if they deny us our beverage of choice? They offer a vast array of alcoholic beverages, as well as Coke and water and orange juice. But ask for a Dr Pepper and they look at you as though you have two heads or have just tried to commandeer the plane. Yes, we may begin to twitch for lack of a Dr Pepper to mainline. That shouldn't make us suspected terrorists, nor should they treat us as inferior to the Coke addicts on board.

What makes Coke the king of beverages on airplanes? What makes it so special? It's not even as old as Dr Pepper....

"Dr Pepper is a native of Waco, Texas, and the oldest major soft drink in America. It was created by Dr. Charles Alderton at the Old Corner Drug Store in 1885, predating Coca-Cola by one year. From “Vim, Vigor, and Vitality,” “Drink a Bite to Eat at 10, 2 and 4,” “I’m a Pepper” to “Just What the Doctor Ordered,” Dr Pepper’s slogans over the years have made it one of the most unique success stories of American free enterprise."
-actual quote from the Dr Pepper Museum website

Don't airlines want to get in on the ground floor of soft drink superiority by supporting "one of the most unique success stories of American free enterprise?"

It used to be you could at least carry your own Dr Pepper on board with you, but not anymore. The new security measures instituted by airports around the world now make it impossible to sneak in a bottle of the bubbly. Simply outrageous! If they don't let you bring any through security, the least they could do is have a stash ready and waiting for you once you put your shoes back on and gather your belongings. But, NO!

Airline terminals are wastelands when it comes to finding your beverage of choice. I always schedule my flights so that I have plenty of time during layovers to scour the airport for Dr Pepper. Often I am thwarted in my search. And if you grab the microphone out of the hand of the service counter employee to ask if there's a Doctor in the house, all you get is taken down by airport security once they determine you're not having a "qualified" medical emergency. This demonstrates their total lack of understanding, as this is indeed a medical emergency! Your mental health depends on having a sip of that delicious nectar of the gods. Why do they insist on denying us our "Vim, Vigor and Vitality?"

So I ask you, is there no justice? Does anyone out there know of a single airline that serves Dr Pepper as part of their in-flight beverage service? If anyone can point me in the direction of such an inspired airline, I shall personally award them an official Dr Pepper refrigerator magnet from the official Dr Pepper Museum gift shop.

I ask you today to join me in the fight against this outrage.... I ask you to stand up and be counted. I ask you to

Be a Pepper!

(Since this is an unsolicited endorsement of Dr Pepper and no money has exchanged hands for my endorsement, I have no qualms about using the Dr Pepper Museum's patented artwork to illustrate my rant. I'm sure they'll thank me rather than sue me. At least, I hope they will. If I guessed wrong, please accept my apology!)

A special thank you to Dr. Smarty-pants for correcting my spelling of Dr Pepper... maybe that's why I haven't been able to find any in airports... I was asking for the wrong thing.

42 comments:

Maelstrom said...

I drink the diet version. Don't hate me for it.

GoingLikeSixty.com said...

Dear Faker,
If you really liked Dr Pepper you would know that it is spelled Dr Pepper, not Dr. Pepper.
Sincerely,
Dr. Smarty-pants
:-)

Me-Me King said...

Dear Sky Harbor Airport,

I am writing today to ask you to please notify your vendors to include Dr. Pepper as a soft drink option. Otherwise, my friends, Quirky and Cat Lady will reek havoc on your ass.

Thank you,
MadMadMargo


There, I've joined the revolution!!!

CatLadyLarew said...

Maelstrom: I would never hold your diet preference against you... I may not understand it, but I would never hate you for it!

Dear Dr. Smarty-Pants: Thank you for pointing out that I have no clue what I'm talking about. I shall go forth and correct my dreaded mistake and hereby promise never to do that again!
Sincerely,
CatLadyFaker

MadMadMargo: Thank you for joining this important cause! I believe I shall have to ask Quirky and Maelstrom to join me in a cross country trip to promote our cause.

Michelle H. said...

Yay! Dr Pepper ROCKS!

Sorry, that's the sugar and caffeine talking...

Smileyfreak said...

I've actually never tasted a Dr.Pepper,hard to believe I know :) But they should deinately be served on air planes,it would be helpful for all the Dr.Pepper lovers out there :)

otin said...

Talk abought some useless trivia(I actually knew this without looking it up)- The Dr pepper guy is named David Naughton, and he was actually the star of "An American Werewolf in London" He also had a hit Disco Era song called "Makin IT"

Anything else you need to know? LOL!

rxBambi said...

I LOVE an American Werewolf in London! Oh, and I like a good Diet Dr P now and then. But really if I'm gonna drink my calories it's gonna be with wine. Seriously. Sorry. But I'll be sure to yell at someone next time I'm on a plane, just for you.

IndigoWrath said...

*Indigo cracks a cool Dr. P*

Here's lookin' at you, kid

CatLadyLarew said...

Michelle: I owe my gregarious personality to the sugar and caffeine.

Otin: Wow! You really know your stuff! Impressive! Now I know who to go to for useless trivia facts.

rxBambi: I actually switch it up between wine, beer & Dr Pepper... which makes for triple caloric intake.

CatLadyLarew said...

Indigo: *clinks glass* Why, thank you!

Carl Vine said...

Airlines and airports discourage the availability of Dr Pepper because research has demonstrated that it tends to increase the number of persons of questionable mental stability that skulk around their facilities.

This makes the Coke-drinking flying public very uncomfortable.

I love it, by the way!

CatLadyLarew said...

Smileyfreak: How could you have missed this delectable taste treat?

Carl: Questionable mental stability? Skulking? Tee hee! I love making people uncomfortable!

ReformingGeek said...

American Airlines, out of D/FW, will almost always have that favored soft drink we call DDP (Diet Dr Pepper) but D/FW airport food service vendors? Not so much.

Sheesh!

I think I'll have one now, thanks.

Madame DeFarge said...

Never, ever, ever, seen the appeal of it. Maybe it's like Irn Bru. Either love it or hate it.

nonamedufus said...

Be a Pepper, Drink Dr Pepper? Are you guys sheep? Haven't you heard of Jonestown. Sure it starts innocently enough, and then they'll be asking you to drink the Kool-Aid. It's an addiction and you're hooked.

Got a light? and can ya pass me another beer?

Jayne Martin said...

When I was a little girl I was taken to a doctor and I was scared and started crying and the s.o.b. actually slapped me. Yeah! Freakin' slapped me. I've never liked anything with a "doctor" in it since. Even it is "Dr" with no period of anything. Years of therapy and still I hold a grudge.

CatLadyLarew said...

Reffie: American Airlines, eh? I wonder if it's just the D/FW route or if it's more wide spread. I've flown AA out of Upstate New York and never gotten a DP on board. Enjoy!

Madame DeFarge: As I said, it's an acquired taste. My ex was the one who got me to drink it in the first place... then he quit and ridiculed me for drinking it. Just one of the reasons he's my ex.

nonamedufus: Quirky & Maelstrom & I will just have to start talking like sheep. BAAAA! And I'm the first to admit, I'm definitely addicted, no question about that!

Jayne: Slap down at the doctor's office? Just call him Dr. Bastard! No wonder you hate doctors! You are forgiven for not being a Pepper... you have good reason! And now I'm pissed off on your behalf. (My older sister got slapped at the dentist when she cried and my mom never took us back to that dentist, thank the goddess.)

Quirkyloon said...

Ah! I absolutely adore this post.

Yes, DDP rocks! And yes, why don't airlines carry it? For that matter, why don't airPORTs carry it.

It's a conspiracy. And I'm not happy about it. Not one bit!

Now, I must go guzzle my DDP!

I will always be a pepper!

When did I become my Mom said...

You know what's sad? I can't get Dr Pepper in my country AT ALL! THAT'S SAD! Nobody here even knows what it tastes like. Hmmm maybe there's an opportunity here. Maybe I need to start importing it and make a mint!

Signed,
In Dr Pepper Withdrawal

K a b l o o e y said...

DDP for me too, but after 8 pm or so I try to switch to caffeine-free DDP, which is nowhere near as good. By the by (and I don't mean to be snarky, but I'm actually out of Dr Pepper right now), I think its harder to kick heroin than heroine.

frigginloon said...

Geez, so I guess asking for Dr Pepper with milk would be out of the question?

CatLadyLarew said...

Quirky: I knew you'd be the first to join me in this particular fight against injustice!

Not Your Mom: That's just inhumane! You're being held hostage in your own country! Doesn't the Geneva Convention have something to say about that?

K a b l o o e y: I switch to wine after 8 pm.

frigginloon: They would take you down and tie you up if you asked for that. (Now, a DP float is heavenly!)

The Peach Tart said...

I'm a Pepper too

Moooooog35 said...

And, once again, 'Moxie' remains the redheaded stepchild of the beverage industry.

CatLadyLarew said...

Peach Tart: You're a Peachy Pepper!

Moooooog: Is that like being always a bridesmaid, never a bride?

Smileyfreak said...

I don't know!! :) lol

kerrycharacters said...

I will happily open the French Chapter but will have a lot more work than everyone else because it is unavailable in the whole country! "Un Dr Pepper s'il vous plait"
"Quoi?" "Le docteur Poivre?"

CatLadyLarew said...

kerrycharacters: How sad for you! No le docteur Poivre? That's yet another outrage!

Pearl said...

Very funny, CatLady! :-)

Pearl

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I occasionally down a Diet Doctor Pepper but I can't drink much of it. Much like cherry coke, it's just too sweet for me. My beverage of choice would be Irn Bru as I grew up with it in Scotland and it was more popular than Coke or Pepsi (and still is!) It's delicious. And cannot be replaced. But I appreciate Dr. P's retro appeal. Is it true it's made from prunes?

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

I can't order Dr. Pepper when I go out because my immature boyfriend always calls it Dr. Pecker. I always end up saying that when I order it so it's water for me.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I don't drink Dr Pepper (Going Like Sixty's right about the spelling) often, so I had no idea it's in short supply around airports and airplanes. You have my full support, Cat Lady! Sign me up!

julochka said...

that's so funny..but what worries me even more is the lack of good quality gin on a plane. it's always ordinary beefeater or gordon's. where's the hendrick's, i ask you? they should at least have it on flights TO and FROM scotland, but do you think they do? no. and a gordon's G&T is NOT the same...

OMYWORD! said...

So glad you came by to say hello at my blog so that I could come here and say "Yeah!" about Doctor Pepper. I'm not a big soda fan, but I LOVE DP. So, I am proud to say now, that I am a Pepper!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Yeah, someone tried to tell me that I misspelled Kokayne as if that made me less of an addict. "HA!", I said to him.

Alli said...

Mmm...
I love Dr Pepper. I will join in your fight to include the sweet nectar on flights! I actually recently flew through Delta and I had to drink Coke. So sad.

otin said...

Wow, this post is still up?? :)

JennyMac said...

are you off drinking copious amounts of Dr Pepper right now? I am now going to have that jingle in my head all day. Thanks! LOL.

CatLadyLarew said...

Pearl: Ha ha!

Vegetable Assassin: Now I'll have to go in search of Irn Bru to try it out.

BS & BC: Dr Pecker... now I'll be calling it the wrong thing to! Thanks a lot!

Mike: Thanks for your support!

julochka: So you agree... there's a paucity of proper beverages throughout the airline industry. It's not limited to soft drinks. So sad... so sad.

OMYWORD!: Another Pepper signs on... marvelous!

NGIP: You say kokayne, I say cocaine, Dr. Pepper, Dr Pepper... to an addict, it's all the same!

Alli: My condolences on your Coke torture on Delta.

otin: I know, it's so sad... I'm back today, though.

Jenny Mac: Wouldn't it be amazing if we were both singing that jingle in our heads at the same time exactly? We could sing it in two part harmony!

Ace said...

I need Vernors with Jack Daniels!!! What alcohol goes well in a Dr. Pepper?

I Wonder Wye said...

You sound like my friend Joyce -- absolutely addicted to the DP. I like DP, just don't try to serve me Pepsi -- that stinks -- but my soft drink drug of choice is Coke -- frozen an hour and 20 minutes in the 12 oz plastic size to be nice and slushy.....

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