Friday, August 7, 2009

The Light that Launched a Thousand Ships

I was reading another great post over at IndigoWrath yesterday.  You should definitely check him out. Anyway, Indigo was mentioning how he was watching the movie Troy and telling about all the great British actors who are it, which sent my mind going off on another tangent.  

Back when the movie first came out, I'd been hearing great things about the actors... and how they look in loin cloths.  The other (male) members of my household at the time didn't seem too interested in going to see these great actors in action, though.  They just weren't into the whole epic historical drama thing.  So, that left me to go see it on my own.

The perfect opportunity presented itself when Vlad asked me to drive him and his buddy to the prom.  Vlad went to a very small school, where the entire student body went to the prom regardless of whether they had dates.   With Vlad being only 15 and having no driver's permit, it was up to me to provide chariot service.  Since the prom was at a country club all the way over to hell and back on the other side of town, I decided to go to the movies while I awaited the call to retrieve the prom goers.  

I figured it was the perfect time to see Troy.  The movie ran about as long as the prom did and I had a good book with me, so I could stop for coffee after the movie.  Being the conscientious parent I am, I kept my cell phone on my person at all times.  I figured I could  turn off the ringer in the theater and leave it on vibrate so I didn't miss their call.  

Except that I discovered I had no pockets.  Rather than hold it in my hand for two hours, I did the next best thing.  I reached down the front of my shirt and tucked the phone into my bra.  I figured it was dark so no one would notice and the chances of Vlad calling during the movie were slim.

But not slim enough.  With about a half hour remaining in the movie, the phone began to vibrate.... and flash!  Whoa!  Here I was, in the middle of a darkened theater, desperately trying to step over other patrons to get out, with a mysterious strobe light emanating from my boobs. Talk about a great way to get noticed!  All the eyes that only moments before had been riveted on the well-oiled, heaving, male muscles on the screen were now riveted on me.  The fact that I was laughing hysterically didn't help.  I felt like I was the bearer of the light that launched a thousand ships.

So, after humiliating myself in public once again, I never saw the end of the movie Troy.  I kinda figured out what happened, though.  Maybe I'll rent it on DVD some day and watch it in the privacy of my own home.  That's the way well-oiled, heaving, male muscles should be appreciated anyway.



10 comments:

Hit 40 said...

My best friend keeps her cell on her boob at all times. She just reaches in the shirt to pull it out. I find it a little odd?? And she does this in front of any one.

KC said...

I'm afraid that my boobs are not quite big enough to pull this off. It would look like I had a rectangular tumor-like growth on my chest.

IndigoWrath said...

And of course, the male equivalent does not bear to be described. Never. Again.

And thanks for the mention of my blog!

Lisa/Jedi and Brendan! said...

This is the sort of situation (although I don't recall any of my pocketless exploits being quite as funny) that led me to make my own clothes and/or small purses- what is it with women's clothes and the lack of pockets?!? I feel this is an issue that feminism has failed to properly address, let alone remedy... :(

CatLadyLarew said...

Hit40: Maybe she was a magician in a past life... pulling things out of strange places without missing a beat.

KC: I'm not saying it DIDN'T look like a tumor on my chest... with the flashing light nobody noticed, though.

Indigo: Maybe I should invent the Fun Time Magic Crotch Bag for cell phones... I might be able to make some money with that. (Oooh, am I being too naughty now?)

Lisa/Jedi and Brendan!: You're right... men's clothing items always have plenty of pockets. Unfair! Once again women have been slighted! From now on I shall never leave home without one of your patented "Lisa's Women's Equality Bags". (or Lisa's WEB for short.)

ettarose said...

Wait a damn minute. You were watching a movie with sweaty hard muscled men, you had a phone turned to vibrate against your breasties no less and you laughed? I would have turned the flasher towards the chestular are and let it vibrate it's ass off!

CatLadyLarew said...

ettarose: Perhaps I could interest you in my latest invention... the Fun Time Magic Crotch Bag for cell phones... you might get a higher level of satisfaction than with the boob sling.

Vic said...

I did this exact same thing last night!! Only I didn't have to leave early because even though someone called and lit up my entire chest, causing a several people in the theater to turn and look, I just pushed the "ignore" command through my shirt and continued with the movie.

Phillipia said...

I am not sure my son would have gotten a ride home until the movie was over...I mean well-oiled, heaving male muscles and a vibrator....

CatLadyLarew said...

Vic: Ah! And here I thought I was the only one. Does this make us flashers?

Phillipia: So what you are saying is next time I should "sit back, relax, and enjoy the show?" (or the ride, or whatever...)

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