Saturday, August 22, 2009

Bad Things! Bad Things!

I got a little sidetracked this week. If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you may have discerned that I used to be the director of a small school and I was one of the most popular kids there, what with the
rubber chickens and all. But I didn't particularly care for all of the grown-up things I had to do, so I decided I'd rather go back to the classroom and leave the directing to someone who knows what they're doing. Great plan! All spring I kept getting more and more excited as I came closer to the light at the end of the tunnel.

And then I added the fortune cookie widget to my blog. (Look left, as they say in the UK.) It's always fun to click on the cookie to see what my fortune is for the day.... in fact, I've even considered starting a "Friday Fortune" blog theme, listing of the best of the week.

But then, I got this fortune:

The light at the end of the tunnel could mean bad things.

Bad Things? Bad Things? What bad things?

Last Friday I finally figured out what the bad things were. It seems that when I took over the directorship of the school, I lost my seniority as a teacher... which meant that when it came time to give out assignments last week, I was at the bottom of the list... which meant there wasn't a spot for me after all. The only position left was one for which I'm not certified. Which meant I'd suddenly become unemployed... two weeks before school starts. I have an idea....

Let's Panic!

Damn fortune cookie! I know this never would have happened had I not tempted fate by adding that widget.

So, as I started out saying, I got a little sidetracked this week. I had thought I'd be getting my classroom ready for the kidlets, but now I'm getting my resume ready for the grownups instead.

The surprising thing is, I'm not panicking... at least not yet. What do you suppose that means? I figure it's a sign from the Fortune Cookie Goddess that I'm supposed to be moving on. Or maybe it means I'm supposed to apply for a job at the Fortune Cookie I bet I could write fortunes that are a lot better than the ones they have now. I could even personalize them for all my friends. And maybe they'd give me all the fortune cookies I could eat. They even come in cool (but unappetizing) colors:

So let's try out some of these fortunes out:

Get busy... Blogs don't write themselves.

At least now I'll have more time to keep up with all the blogs I follow. That's the way the fortune cookie crumbles!


Anonymous said...

That sucks. Are you faking unemployment like Phillipia? I hope so.

Nanodance said...

My fortune just said that a rich partner is ordained for me. I suppose that this could be appropos due to a certain Mr. Fuckhead. Excuse my french. Anyway, your story sucks- but you should totally try for unemployment while you job search. I think that this could be an exciting new start for you.

Jewel said...

Hmmm...quite a few thoughts going on in my feeble brain as I read this...wherever or however this came about (what rule # in what manual), it's a curve thrown hard from left field, for sure. Yet the more I come to know you, the more I'm positive you'll hit this pitch right out of the park.

We can all swim in the Lake of Transition together. Or better yet, kayak!

Kristine said...

Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. That always makes it sound better, right?

Also, that fortune cookie thing is freaking weird: "Men and melons are hard to know"

What the hell?

Skye said...

Yep, it's probably a blessing in disguise! Case in point, I've been trying to buy a particular car now for about a month and a half. I wouldn't buy it though till I could test drive it, and well, the mechanic wasn't getting the job done. Sooooo I finally went elsewhere and low-and-behold, just that day the got a van in, already saftied and very well taken care of. Also it was within my price range. Took it for a test drive and bought it within a half hour of seeing it! See, good things do come to those that wait :D

By the way, thanks for stopping by and saying hi!

CatLadyLarew said...

Flubtastic Doofalo: Unfortunately not... maybe Phillipia can get me in where she works, which could be dangerous because together we would be assured of never getting anything done!

Nanodance: That fortune was meant for me! You stole my fortune! I think a rich partner is exactly what we both need... then we could be women of leisure and sit around blogging all day.

Jewel: Vacation time in the Lake of Transition... I like that! Break out the kayaks!

Kristine: Yes, a blessing... of some sort. I definitely think I could come up with better fortunes! Although I have to say, I do have a hard time figuring out which men and melons are the best. I keep thumping them on the head to see if they're ripe yet.

IndigoWrath said...

Well, that's all red tape bullshit. What the fuck were they thinking?!

Yes, it may be a blessing in disguise, though at first glance it seems to be a very good disguise. Hopefully you are a woman of means, but if you're a penniless bum like the rest of us, good luck with the hunting.

Best thoughts are with you CatLady, Indigo x

Phillipia said...

WTF kind of shit is that????
I am sorry about your job...but I have an idea.

Since I still have mine for the time being (sorry you did not see the sarcasm in my post, Flub) why don't you pretend you are me for awhile so I can take a few days off and get some stuff done I need to do at home? Peyton PHlace will love the new me...the new me may help me keep my job... can come visit and help me do the things I need to do around the house and we could work together on polishing up that resume...

CatLadyLarew said...

Indigo: Ah, to be a woman of means... wouldn't that be lovely! But since I'm not I'll just have to fend for myself. At least Vlad is in his last year of college, so maybe I can just send him out to find gainful employment and then make him buy a house with an apartment over the garage and let me live in it for free and eat his leftovers (preferably before they go into the trash bin.) Thanks for sending the good thoughts!

Phillipia: Do you have an extra nun habit? If you do, we could really fake them out at Peyton PHlace! I'd love to see what we could come up with together for my resume... who knows what kinds of jobs I could pretend to be qualified for then!

CatLadyLarew said...

Skye: Does your new van have flames on it? That would be way cool! I'm sure Luke will love riding in it! Thanks for joining the party over here at the CatLady's blog!

Madame DeFarge said...

That's really bad news. You would have thought that someone, somewhere, might have thought how to handle just such a situation. You could always sell rubber chickens to impressionable young children.

Vic said...

Man, I didn't see THAT coming. Why the bottom of the list? The middle of the seniority list's not like you weren't working there.

Sheesh. Probably it'll work out to be an advantage, but I'm a little peeved for you.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

You could just add "in bed" to each fortune. Apply that to the one before you lost your job. That might release you from the fortune cookie hex.

Jeve (aka John and Steve) said...

The worst fortune i ever got....i kid you not- "Eat more Chinese Food".

CatLadyLarew said...

Madame DeFarge: I decided to head over to the Boston area for a few days to look for impressionable young children to sell rubber chickens to... no luck so far.

Vic: I didn't see that one coming either. (Or else I would have been looking for work long before this.) I was a bit peeved myself... but it's nice to have someone to be peeved along with me. But, I have to confess, I'm also looking forward to something new. After 15 years at the same place, it's probably good to stretch my horizons a bit... plus, there are probably lots of kids out there who love rubber chickens.

Midlife Jobhunter: We could look for jobs together. I love the "in bed" thing... it makes the fortunes sound so much more interesting!

Jeve: I think I've gotten that one before. I demand something much more substantive! Maybe something like: "You will have a baby and give it to Jeve."

Anonymous said...


First of all, let me say how sorry I am that you have to go out there and deal with adults! That sucks!

Secondly, I meowed at least five times while reading this post.

Thirdly, thanks so much for the shout-out! You rawk!

Fourthly, because you rawk, I left you something at my blog!

Fifthly, you are a funny cat lady!

Anonymous said...

I heard they're making another Catwoman movie. Bet you could get the role. Just sayin ... since you lost the job and need another role to play. I mean, if Michelle Pfeifer and Halle Berry can do it so can you. Seriously.

Loved the post and your blog. I'll be back. ;)

The Old Silly

ettarose said...

Oh baby do I feel for you. I was let go after 27 years!!!! Didn't see that coming at all. Good luck on finding something with the adults in the world. Here's hoping you don't have to kill too many you meet.

CatLadyLarew said...

Quirkyloon: Thanks for the prize! What a treat to get back to town and find that... It cheered me immensely.

Old silly person: Catwoman... now there's an idea. Michelle Pfeifer, Halle Berry... people mistake me for them all the time. Thanks for stopping by!

ettarose: I didn't see it coming either, but guess I should have suspected something. (I'm far too trusting.) But, look at the bright side.... I could knock off a few people to get their jobs and then barbecue them for dinner. Kind of like killing two birds with one stone. (Yes, I'm definitely going to hell.)

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

OK, your big pile o' fortune cookies in panties are on their way!

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