Thursday, July 9, 2009

What? Me Worry?

So, I'm back from the wilds of the Adirondacks.  It wasn't nearly as harrowing as one might imagine.  After all, IT IS CAR CAMPING, PEOPLE!  It's not like I was backpacking out in the wild or anything. 
Plus, I do take all necessary precautions.  

For example, I spent a full hour standing in front of this sign, (posted strategically outside the shower house,) faithfully memorizing each item on the list:

I took my responsibility as a camper very seriously and followed all the guidelines.  Obviously, I spent the next three days parking my car (containing all clothing, food items and garbage) a mile away from my campsite.  It was a mad dash from the car to the tent, what with being all naked and everything.  No worries!  Although, it might have been easier just to sleep in the car. 

Even worse than being mauled by a bear, however, would have been to be "directed to leave the campground" for bear baiting.  How could one ever live down that humiliation? The rest of the campers would probably line up and make you run the gauntlet as they threw all sorts of vile epithets at you.  Just imagine the shame of it all.

But as I said, no worries.  I had everything in order.

The truth is, I have a new secret weapon against bears.  I've heard tell that bears don't mess around with moose.  Would you?  Those suckers are huge!  So, while I was in the little gift shop near the campground, I discovered a new super duper weapon to protect me from bears.  Damn the cost, I had to have it!  And now it's mine, all mine!  From now on, I can sleep soundly in my tent knowing that a bear will never, ever accost me in the dark of night.   

See for yourself if this doesn't strike fear into the hearts of bears everywhere:

P.S.  Since the sign says it's a list of "Bears & Camper Guidelines", what I really want to know is... what are the bears' responsibilities for campground use? Will they be directed to leave the campground if they are caught camper baiting?  I'm just askin'.


IndigoWrath said...

Bears can take care of themselves, unless they come up against THIS guy...

And the moose looks good. I need one.

Vic said...

I hate that old bear/people double standard. When are they going to be held accountable?

Nanodance said...

How exactly are we supposed to know what a bear will find annoying?

CatLadyLarew said...

IndigoWrath: Obviously I need to take some kung fu lessons. That bear has some wicked ass moves.

Vic: I know, it's just outrageous how we have so many restrictions placed on us and they have none.

Nanodance: Guess we'll just have to keep trying things until we figure it out. I hear they find being pelted with projectiles from moose sling shots pretty annoying.

Madame DeFarge said...

I'm impressed by the responsibility shown by campers in the US. None of this random enjoyment, unfettered by the rules of society, the trammels of convention. Did you have lights out at nine pm?

CatLadyLarew said...

To MME. DeFarge:

Yes, we like to put a damper on most things by means of excessive rules. And while you don't have to extinguish your fire by 9 p.m., quiet hours are from 10 p.m. until 7 a.m.! I'm serious! A little man in a truck even comes by to make sure there are no shenanigans going on!

I guess in the UK, the campers & bears can do whatever the hell they like! Lucky you! That's one of the things I loved about touring the UK... few rules! I remember climbing the stairs at an old castle keep and overhearing another visitor casually commenting to her husband, "Wasn't that our Jeremy that just went by?" as a kid went flying head over heels down the hill. Gotta love it!

Canadian Blend said...

Does the ammo for the Moose slingshot come in the shape of a Flying Squirrel?

CatLadyLarew said...

Canadian Blend: Dang! You mean they have Flying Squirrel ammo? Where do I get me some of that there ammo? (There's a definite resemblance between my secret weapon and Bullwinkle J. Moose.)

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