So, I'm back from the wilds of the Adirondacks. It wasn't nearly as harrowing as one might imagine. After all, IT IS CAR CAMPING, PEOPLE! It's not like I was backpacking out in the wild or anything.
Plus, I do take all necessary precautions.
For example, I spent a full hour standing in front of this sign, (posted strategically outside the shower house,) faithfully memorizing each item on the list:
I took my responsibility as a camper very seriously and followed all the guidelines. Obviously, I spent the next three days parking my car (containing all clothing, food items and garbage) a mile away from my campsite. It was a mad dash from the car to the tent, what with being all naked and everything. No worries! Although, it might have been easier just to sleep in the car.
Even worse than being mauled by a bear, however, would have been to be "directed to leave the campground" for bear baiting. How could one ever live down that humiliation? The rest of the campers would probably line up and make you run the gauntlet as they threw all sorts of vile epithets at you. Just imagine the shame of it all.
But as I said, no worries. I had everything in order.
The truth is, I have a new secret weapon against bears. I've heard tell that bears don't mess around with moose. Would you? Those suckers are huge! So, while I was in the little gift shop near the campground, I discovered a new super duper weapon to protect me from bears. Damn the cost, I had to have it! And now it's mine, all mine! From now on, I can sleep soundly in my tent knowing that a bear will never, ever accost me in the dark of night.
See for yourself if this doesn't strike fear into the hearts of bears everywhere:
P.S. Since the sign says it's a list of "Bears & Camper Guidelines", what I really want to know is... what are the bears' responsibilities for campground use? Will they be directed to leave the campground if they are caught camper baiting? I'm just askin'.