Sunday, October 3, 2010

Crawling Out of My Hole

Every once in awhile life throws me for a loop.  It's not any one thing, but a series of setbacks that puts me in a hole that becomes difficult to climb out of.

Within a 12 month period, I lost the job that I'd been immersed in for 15 years and that had become my identity, I went through all my savings before finding a new job, I lowered my standard of living so that the first time in 30 years I'm living paycheck to paycheck, I fell down my attic stairs and re-injured my knee, a bunch of stuff in my house started falling apart at the same time, (water coming through your living room ceiling is NOT a good thing,) my mom died and then as the icing on the cake, Hickory the Wonder Dog died. 

Despite all that, I was holding my own until late August.  Then with the approach of a new school year, I was reminded of the cumulative losses of the past year.  I suddenly felt alone and bereft.  It seemed like I lost my identity. Life became overwhelming.

I began isolating myself, managing to go to work but then coming home and sleeping a lot.  I stopped taking care of myself, stopped eating well and let the housework pile up.  I was essentially becoming a zombie.

I knew I'd been wallowing for too long when Jon Stewart came up with his Rally to Restore Sanity.  Sure, I know you're thinking, "Hey, CatLady, it's not always about YOU!", but it felt like a personal invitation to me at just the right time.  Plus, I started getting emails from Quirky and Jayne and Linda, asking where I was.  Finally, a lifeline back to sanity! 

So, this week I went to the grocery store to buy some vegetables instead of junk food, I got a haircut and I started seeing friends again.  I shuffled off to Buffalo to take Vlad to dinner and realized after I got home that I spent the entire day without any knee pain.  Amazing!  So, I must be getting better.  No more wallowing in self-pity... because that really is totally unbecoming.  I guess it's time to crawl out of my hole.
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