Much has been made of this secret enclave. Books have been written and movies and even video games have been created based on Area 51. There's just too much mystery surrounding it to avoid giving some credence to the rumors.
These scholarly writings are still available today from amazon.com, where I can make vast sums of money by luring you into purchasing them via the CatLady. (Yeah... I think I'll stick with my "Let's Go to Prison" retirement plan instead.)
But enough of my get rich quick scheme....
What I'm really here for today is to divulge a secret that has been plaguing me for about a week now.
Keeping it bottled up inside has been a source of extreme angst. People have been wondering, giving me strange looks and whispering behind closed doors. Spotty blog postings have been commented upon. So I feel I must get it out. I must admit that I am now a potential specimen, eligible for inclusion in Area 51 lore.
Yes, I have been abducted by aliens. That's the true reason for my absence from the blogosphere of late. I had been lamenting my lack of inspiration for blog posts. Lapses of memory had me dazed and confused. Melancholy had set in and I was becoming careless in my daily ablutions. A sudden burning sensation brought me back to reality.
When all was said and done, it finally hit me... those lapses of memory were a result of an alien abduction. Who knows where I was taken or what experiments were imposed upon my person. Perhaps a study of the effects of too much Dr Pepper on humanoids. Or maybe it was a study in why a CatLady would have such an aversion to cats. We'll probably never know.
All I know for sure is that when it was over, I was left with a peculiar mark on my shoulder. An alien brand, if you will...
Scientists will probably spend years analyzing the scar and wondering what it might mean. Is it an alien compass or a calendar of some sort? Could it be a form of alien writing? Is it a diagram of a crop circle? Or, could they have implanted something in my shoulder? Perhaps a tracking device, or worse... a mind control device?
Only time will tell. The good news is... if push comes to shove and I become destitute, I can always go live at Area 51. In the meantime, I think I'll go start working on that crop circle...
