Monday, May 25, 2009

Birthday Greetings!


You out there!

It's my birthday!

Just thought you'd like to know.

I have a very exciting day planned. It involves being a total slob and relaxing all day, filling my face with disgustingly unhealthy food and avoiding human contact. A perfect Cat Lady birthday!

Here's what will probably happen....

6:00 ~ Awaken to the sound of impatient doggy toenails, tapping to let me know it's time to get up and let him out.

6:15 ~ Try to go back to sleep after letting dog out. Damned cheerful chirping birds keep that from happening!

6:30 ~ Give up sleep and declare it a pajama day! Take care of morning ablutions and put the coffee on. Succumb to temptation and eat not one, but two donuts. Total decadence! (It's my birthday, after all.) Sort through stack of unread books to find something mindless, yet socially redeeming to read.

7:00 ~ Enjoy the quiet as the now college age Vladimir leaves for his full time summer job... at least one of us will be gainfully employed all summer.

7:15 ~ Fall asleep in recliner.

9:00 ~ Wake up and wonder where I am... what day is it? Realize I overslept and missed my final exam for that psychology course... oh, wait... that was a dream... Hey, I'm 55 years old and have been out of college for 33 years! Why am I still having these dreams? Maybe I should have paid more attention in that class, after all!

9:01 ~ Realize it's my birthday and that I'm not 55 any more... I'm now 56, which means I'm officially in my "late 50's", which means I'm getting really old, which means my life is well past half over, which means it's all downhill from here... OMG!!!!! Panic Attack!!!!

9:10 ~ Get over panic attack and go back to reading.

10:30 ~ Hear strange mewling noise outside. Go out to investigate.

10:31 ~ Find basket of homeless kittens on doorstep... I know you put those there, Nanodance!!!! Haven't I told you before? I don't want any cats... as long as the silhouettes are up, that still counts for Cat Lady purposes!

10:45 ~ Dog highly insulted by birthday gift from Nanodance. Get dressed to go wander up and down the street, looking for new homes for the kitties.

10:55 ~ Give up and decide to drive over to Nanodance's house and leave the basket of kittens on her doorstep. Will have to pretend that I never got them and that they wandered back to her house on their own, dragging their little basket behind them.

11:00 ~ Check mailbox for birthday cards... none there. Boo Hoo! Wait... Oh, yeah... it's Memorial Day! There's no mail delivery! THAT'S why nobody sent any cards... it's not that I'm unpopular! Maybe tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the one after that.

Anyway, you get my drift... once you're past 30, it's all over in terms of exciting birthday celebrations. I'll just hope for a quiet day at home, with no disasters befalling me. That's my idea of a perfect birthday! At least I get a three-day weekend to mark the occasion!

Happy Memorial Day!

P.S. I told the kidlets at school that we don't have school today because it's a national holiday in celebration of my birthday.... they bought it as far as New York is concerned, but couldn't figure out why the entire nation would have a holiday for my birthday. Maybe I should tell them it's because I wasn't born in New York. They believe just about anything I tell them... probably why I like hanging around with the little rascals so much!


Phillipia said...

Happy Birthday, Cat Lady. Sorry I am a little late...I am trying to catch up on blog reading...

Madame DeFarge said...

Very happy and very belated birthday. Just back after being on holiday and trying to catch up on everything while trying to avoid the influx of domestic chores.

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