One of my goals for the future is to stop worrying so much about doing the wrong thing... to be alive in the world rather than sitting around worrying about how people will react if I do something strange. Most people who know me are already aware that there's something a little peculiar about me. In many ways I'm a perfectly normal person and yet there's that certain something...
I've come to the conclusion that if you take the time to truly know someone, they all have "that certain something..." There is no normal when it comes to people. So why am I so worried that people will "find out" about me if I do the wrong thing?
My good friend, Nanodance, talked me into writing down my stories. It took a long time to get over the fear of what people would think about me, to actually sit down and begin writing. Once I did, though, I found that I enjoyed putting my thoughts to paper. It doesn't really matter if anyone reads it... although it does make me feel good when someone does. What really matters is that when I'm writing, I'm amusing myself. It gives me renewed energy for getting out and doing more things, so I'm living my own life rather than watching others live theirs. I often chuckle as I write, remembering certain events or people. It makes me happy.
The other thing I've found is that the people I write about also enjoy remembering those experiences. In particular, my older sister said she laughed all the way through my story about the worst camping trip ever, although she didn't remember there actually being an animal there. OOPS! But my sister pointing out that my memory was off actually makes the story better... there really could have been a mountain lion. I can be creeped out all over again!
My memory may be slipping, but.... does it matter? Have I embellished so many stories that the embellishments have become a part of my memories?
Doing or writing "the wrong thing" sometimes makes for a better story. It's doing the wrong thing that sometimes makes our lives more interesting... if we don't let it bring us down. We all make mistakes. Some are bigger than others. The best we can do is forgive ourselves and even laugh at ourselves and then move on.
I'm moving on.